Page 55 of Hayes
When he comes up for air, he takes a deep breath, his body relaxing in my arms. “I’m okay. I’m not hurt, Lily. Are you okay? I’m so sorry. Let me look at you.”
He tilts my head up to look me in the eye. He needs to see that I’m okay, when I should be the one doing that to him.
“I’m fine, thanks to you.”
He nods, his smile glued to his face like a shield.
What happened to you, Hayes? What agony did you endure?
I don’t ask that out loud. It’s too soon. And the question could hurt more than help.
I wrap my arms around him tightly, noticing that he flinches slightly as I do. But I don’t see any physical sign of injury. It’s like he can’t be touched but wants to be touched at the same time.
I force myself to let go until I figure out how to help him. I take a deep breath—expecting to smell his familiar musky, masculine scent. Instead, I get a whiff of sweet perfume and sweat.
I swallow hard, realizing what he smells like. He smells like sex. And it’s not my scent that’s all over him. My eyes water, but I don’t let the tears fall.
Oh, my Hayes, what did they make you do?
Forgive him, Gage’s words return to me.
I grind my teeth together. There is nothing to forgive. I only see murder.
Hayes realizes the moment I realize what happened. He strokes my cheek. “It’s okay, murderous one, we’ll get revenge.”
“We will. We’ll kill them all for what they did to you,” I reply.
Chapter 23
Hayes
Her stare is saturated with pain and revenge, realizing the truth of what happened without me having to speak a word. She knows me better than I thought if she figured it out so quickly. Gage wouldn’t have told her what I endured. It’s a torture I’d suffer over and over and over again if it meant protecting her.
Unfortunately, I still haven’t figured out how to protect her from the rest of it. The Retribution Kings trust her more now than before, but trust isn’t enough.
She takes my hand in hers and squeezes it with a soft smile. I expect to see hurt in her eyes—for her to be angry with me for what I did. I should have to beg on my knees for forgiveness. I betrayed her even when I didn’t want to.
“Don’t,” she says before I even open my mouth. “Don’t you dare apologize. You didn’t hurt me. You survived. You’re alive. You have nothing to apologize for.”
I reach out, tucking a strand of her red hair behind her ear. “I don’t deserve you.”
She bats her eyelashes at me, a wicked grin spreading over her face. “Can I wash you?”
My eyebrows shoot up; I wasn’t expecting that. Even more shocking, her look says she has dirty ideas in mind.
I take a deep breath, not sure exactly what I want or need or can even tolerate. Her touch is enough and yet not enough.
She senses my hesitation.
“We don’t have to do anything other than wash. I just thought you’d feel better after a shower. Then sleep might help. If you want more or less… I’ll give you whatever you need. I just don’t want you to be alone right now, even if you don’t want to be touched.”
“A shower would be good,” I reply.
She gives me a tight smile and guides me to the bathroom. Her hand never lets go of mine, and she doesn’t force any other touch.
She walks to the shower, turns it on, and then stops. Her voice comes out soft and wispy. “Do you want me to give you privacy?”
“No, stay. Shower with me.”
