Page 5 of Shadow's Heart
Shadow might be the VP of Devil’s Inferno, and yes, in his own right, he’s just as deadly and lethal as every other member, but there’s one major difference when it comes to my best friend. He doesn’t enjoy being that way. He much prefers sticking to the background, working in the shadows to collect information. Shadow’s personality isn’t that of a hard-nosed biker; he’s a big fucking marshmallow, really. He’s that person you see who is always happy and smiling. The one who never hides away what he’s feeling and who feels everything so much more deeply than everyone else. He isn’t going to take my loss well at all.
Fucking hell, the only reason he spent the past few months taking out the trash is because he felt guilty for not being there to protect his sister from the horrors she experienced growing up. It’s the only time I’ve never tried to talk him out of a violent situation because I could see how much he needed to be involvedin their demise. I wasn’t wrong either; the darkness that’s hung over his head since he found out what Sera had experienced growing up has slowly gotten smaller with each person who got what they deserved. I can only imagine it’s nearly nonexistent now that the last people on the list have been taken care of. I may not have seen him since then, but I’ve spoken to him, and I could hear it in his voice; it was no longer tinged with pain.
Thinking about Shadow brings tears to my eyes. The thought of never seeing him again has more chance of breaking me than anything these guys could do to me physically. Ever since my conversation with Sera recently, I’ve become aware that the feelings I have towards him aren’t as platonic as I’ve always believed. I’ve been blind to the fact that what I feel towards him is a hell of a lot more than friendship. In my own defense, it never crossed my mind that it could be anything more. I’ve always been straight, or at least I’ve believed I am, until Sera asked how long I’d been in love with Shadow. Her words unlocked something inside me; it was like the floodgates opened, and I couldn’t ignore it anymore. I don’t just love my best friend; I’m in love with him.
Realizing that fucked with my head a lot at first, everything I’d ever believed about myself suddenly wasn’t true. I spent a lot of time thinking, and I came to the conclusion it didn’t matter that I was in love with a man, because my feelings had nothing to do with Shadow’s gender and everything to do with who he is as a person and the connection that’s always been between us. Shadow is the most amazing person I’ve ever met; it’s no wonder I fell for him without even realizing it.
Even with my epiphany, I never planned on doing or saying anything. Shadow is straight. He’s got a girlfriend who he clearly loves, or at least he’s got to be close to that feeling. Specifically when you take into account that he kept their relationship a secret even though he fucking hates secrets. Actually hates tomild a word; he abhors secrets. Anyway, I planned on just carrying on as we’d always been, just with the awareness of my true feelings now. All I have ever wanted was to see him happy and live the life he always wanted, filled with someone who loves him more than life itself. It looks like I’m never going to get to see it now.
Chapter Six
Shadow
Numb. I think I’ve gone numb. Watching the footage of the attack on Wreck has killed part of me. Seeing him walk out of his office, knowing what was about to happen, knowing the danger he was in and still doing it, not caring about any of it, only caring about keeping Sera safe and hidden makes equal parts proud and murderous. When I get him back, and make no mistake, I fucking will. I won’t rest until he’s back home with me, where he belongs. I’m going to fucking hug the shit out of him and then more than likely punch him for putting me through this. I couldn’t actually watch further than seeing the six men all go on the attack; instead, Eagle told me what happened next. I might not have been able to actually watch it, but I still needed to know, and Eagle understood that. Thankfully. Just hearing him tell me what happened to Wreck was bad enough; I know for fact I wouldn’t be able to cope if I’d seen it all happen with my own eyes. There’s only so much I can fucking take before I break, and I’m right on the edge. I’m literally holding myself together by sheer willpower; I know it’s only going to take one more thing to push me over the edge completely.
Walking out of Tech’s cave, I head for The CommonRoom. I’m hoping someone has come back with some news on Wreck. Tech’s still working away in the online world, doing everything within his power to find information on Wreck, but I need fucking something. Anything. No matter how small or insignificant it might seem. I need to do something. I hate sitting here with my thumb up my ass while Wreck is out there going through God only knows what, waiting for me to come for him. He’s got to know I’m doing everything I can to find him and that I will be coming.
As I walk through the doors to The Common Room, I come to a halt when I hear my name being shouted by Megan. Oh shit. With everything that’s happened since I got back, I totally forgot I was meant to see her tonight. Oops. But in my defense, seeing her wasn’t really a priority after finding out about Wreck.
When I glance in the direction of where her voice is coming from, I see my very pissed-off girlfriend heading straight towards me. God, I do not need this drama right now. I have enough on my plate without her adding to it. I can’t help but brace myself for whatever is about to happen; it’s not very often she loses her shit at me with an audience present. She prefers to do that in private. The last time I saw her this mad was after our relationship was exposed to everyone, and that ended up with her physically hurting me. She didn’t mean to, and she did apologize. It hasn’t happened since. She’s kept it to just verbal between us since then but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t care about keeping it that way right now. She’s entirely far too pissed off. I really hope she doesn’t turn physically violent towards me, especially here in The Clubhouse. I can only imagine how everyone will react. It certainly wouldn’t end well for Megan.
“Why the hell aren’t you answering my calls? You were supposed to be at mine hours ago.” She demands as soon as she’s in front of me.
Fuck. I didn’t even know she’d tried to call me; my phone has been a total afterthought. All my focus has been on Wreck and finding out everything I possibly can in hopes of finding him and bringing him home. I know even when I tell her why I haven’t been answering, she’s still not going to be happy. She probably won’t care. Truthfully, I couldn’t care less what she thinks right now. Tonight has just gone from what was going to be one clusterfuck to another that’s so much worse. Tonight should have been the night I ended this fucked-up relationship. It just isn’t working and isn’t right. Turns out life had bigger things for me to be dealing with tonight instead.
I haven’t got the mental strength to deal with whatever her reaction would be if I tried to end things now. I can’t imagine she’ll take it well at all. There’s also a chance that Megan and everyone else would think me ending things is a reaction to what’s happened with Wreck. Even though that couldn’t be further from the truth. My decision was made while I was on the road, before I even knew Wreck had been abducted. Okay, new plan. Get Wreck back and then deal with ending my relationship with Megan.
Blowing out a breath, I try to make the words of what’s happened pass my lips, but I can’t do it. I can’t fucking say it. Saying it makes it even more real, and I don’t want it anymore real than it is right now. I’m barely holding on as it is.
Luckily for me, Wrath is in the room, and my twin can clearly see how much I’m struggling right now. Walking over, he stands next to me and wraps his arm over my shoulder and pulls me into his side. The side hug offering me a level of comfort I didn’t even realize I needed right now. Fuck, I need my brother right now more than ever.
“Devil’s Ink was attacked earlier today, and Wreck was abducted. Shadow’s been dealing with this since the moment he arrived home.” Wrath tells Megan.
I watch as her eyes widen in shock. Yeah, I bet she wasn’t expecting to hear that when she arrived here tonight. It shouldn’t fucking matter why I wasn’t at her beck and call. Not once have I ever done anything like this before; it should have been clear as day to her something had happened. Instead, she charged in here like an angry bull. We’ve been together long enough that she should know me better than this. Her behavior just reiterates that I’m making the right decision, ending things between us.
“I’m sorry to hear that, but that’s no excuse for ignoring his girlfriend.”
I can literally hear the intake of breath everyone in the room takes at her words. They’re all clearly shocked she could be so callous. I’m not even remotely surprised at all. I knew she wouldn’t care. In her mind, she should always have 100% of my attention. I can’t do this with her right now. I know how all this is going to play out. It’s not the first time we’ve had an argument like this. She can’t accept that sometimes the MC will come before her, but what the hell did she expect when she started a relationship with the VP of a damn motorcycle club? It’s not even about the MC right now; this isn’t just any member missing; it’s Wreck. My fucking best friend. This behavior right here is why I need to end this; she just isn’t right for me. She can’t even rustle up some fucking empathy for what I must be going through right now.
I totally tune out whatever is being said between Wrath and Megan. I might not hear what’s being said, but I know they’re arguing and I don’t fucking care. I don’t care about anything but Wreck. Fuck standing here and listening to this utter bullshit from Megan. This isn’t what I need right now. Slipping from under Wrath’s arm, I turn and leave the room, ignoring the looks of pity multiple members are giving me as I pass. I don’t know if they pity me because of Wreck being missing or because of howMegan’s acting. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. Megan shouting my name follows me out the door, but I pay no mind to that. She should have had some fucking understanding for what I’m going through right now. Then maybe I’d have stayed and listened to her. Okay, maybe not. I’m just so fucking done with all this crap.
Heading towards my bike, I make the decision to not head to my newly built home here on The Compound, instead choosing to go to Wreck’s apartment. At least I don’t have to worry about Megan showing up there and trying to carry on spewing her crap in my face. Also, I know I’ll feel closer to Wreck there, surrounded by all things him, and if I’m being honest, I need that right now. I need some way to feel closer to him. I’m sure if someone from the club wants to find me, they’ll figure out where I’ve gone eventually. It shouldn’t take a genius to figure it out.
It doesn’t take me long to reach Wreck’s apartment; there’s not exactly a lot of traffic in Devil’s Point this late. Letting myself into the apartment with my keys takes seconds. The moment I step through his door, I’m hit by a scent that’s all Wreck. Ink mixed with his deodorant, which smells like sandalwood. The moment I inhale it, my eyes fill with tears. I’ve always loved Wreck’s scent; it’s uniquely him and immediately reminds me of home.
Closing and locking the door, I head towards Wreck’s room instead of crumpling into a pile on his floor like I want too. I can’t afford to fall apart right now; I don’t have that luxury. I need to stay strong for Wreck; once I have him back, I can fall apart all I want. I know I really need to get some sleep so that I’m at my best both physically and mentally for whatever tomorrow brings. I’m hoping and praying being surrounded by all things Wreck will help. I doubt I’ll get much shuteye, but some is better than none. I need to be at the top of my game, or I’m going to be fucking useless. That’s the last thing I want or need.
I can’t help but smile when I take in his bedroom; unlike my own, Wreck’s is more chaotic. There’s a pile of dirty laundry in one corner; his clean clothes are all folded on an armchair instead of being put away where they belong. It doesn’t matter how many times I come here and sort his room, putting everything where it belongs; it always ends up back this way. Part of me loves it because it’s wholeheartedly him. The other part of me thinks he does it on purpose, knowing I’ll come and sort it out eventually. I don’t really care what the reason is. It’s just part of who we are and what we do now. And I wouldn’t change that for all the love and money in the world.
Kicking off my boots at his bedroom door, I walk towards his bed, where I quickly undress down to my boxers, leaving my clothes piled neatly next to the bed, before slipping under his covers and being totally engulfed by his scent. I feel like I’m surrounded by him even though I know he’s not here. Fuck if it doesn’t hurt my heart and once again cause me to tear up. God, I just want him home. I want to hug the shit out of him, talk about random crap, sit in silence, and just enjoy the knowledge he’s there. I just want him back. Is that too much to ask for?
Chapter Seven
Tech
Iswear to god, I’m going to go on a fucking rampage soon. How the fuck can there be nothing for me to find online? There’s always something. Somewhere. The smallest thing that I can unravel and find something to go on, but I’ve got fucking nothing. It’s driving me mad. I’ve never had so little luck before. I’ve always managed to find something when I’ve needed too. Who the hell are these people that took Wreck? Whoever they are, they’re fucking good. I’ll give them that. If this situation wasn’t so dire, I’d be impressed with how well they’ve covered their tracks. Okay, so yeah, I’m impressed anyway, but fuck if I’m going to admit that to anyone. I don’t have a goddamn death wish.
Even the traffic cam footage I’ve hacked is useless. Unless I plan on sending someone into a camera blind spot where the van went and all but vanished. Clearly they changed vehicles in that area; there’s nowhere around there for them to have taken Wreck; it’s all just alleys and chain fence lots.
