Page 21 of Shadow's Heart
“Why is that a problem?”
“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because he’s my best friend and we’re both straight!” I shout, finally having enough of how he’s treating this like it’s not a big deal.
“Shadow I love you, but you and Wreck are so fucking clueless.” He says, shaking his head at me. “Neither of you arestraight, at least not where the other is concerned.” He says seriously.
“What the hell are you talking about?” I exclaim.
“Shadow, you and Wreck are in love with each other; you have been for years. Seriously, we all know it; we’ve just been waiting for you both to realize it.” He says, still keeping his cool even as he drops a massive fucking bomb on me.
My mouth drops open at his words; he can’t be serious, can he? There’s no way that’s true. Surely we’d both have realized if we were in love with each other. We’re just best friends that are really close, but if that’s the truth, then what I’ve been feeling these past few days doesn’t make sense. It only makes sense if what Wrath is saying holds a kernel of truth. Oh god, have I really been that blind?
“Just think about it and talk to Wreck. You deserve to be happy, even if it’s not in the way you originally imagined it would be.”
I have no idea what to even say to him right now, so I don’t even try. I just get up and leave Wrath’s office; I have a lot to think about. That’s for sure.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Wreck
Icould tell how much Shadow didn’t want to leave me and head to The Clubhouse today. He tried to hide it, but I can read him like a book. I can’t exactly blame him; I’m not all too happy about him leaving either, but at least Flame’s here to keep me company. I’m not ready to be on my own yet. I know the minute I am I’m going to start spiraling.
Maybe spending time with Flame isn’t such a bad thing; if anyone is going to get what I’m feeling right now, it’s him. After all, he was kidnapped and tortured too. He’s already experienced coming home and dealing with what happened. If anyone is going to have some good advice on how to deal with it all. It’s him.
“You can ask.” Flame says kindly, eyes filled with understanding. I have no idea how he knows what I’m thinking, but I’m not going to complain. It’ll be good to talk to someone who understands what I went through. What I’m still going through.
“How did you deal with it all once you got home?”
“Time, Wrath, and Cam. If I didn’t have them, I don’t think I’d have dealt with it all quite so well. They were my motivation to make it home, and once I was back here, there was no wayI wasn’t going to make use of every second I had. That doesn’t mean I still don’t have moments when I struggle. Even now, all these months later. But when I’m struggling, I know Wrath is there, willing and able to help me deal with whatever has cropped up. He’s my port in the storm. My safe space. I’d have never dealt with it all so well without him and his endless love and support.”
I can see that. Flame’s love for Wrath is like a beacon, and vice versa. It’s never been hidden, even when they were just friends. Though in my personal opinion they were never just friends. What’s between them has always been so much more than that. They’ve always been each other’s strength and had unending support for one another. Then add in their son; yeah, he definitely had the motivation to not let what happened impact his life with them. I don’t have that, though. I wish I did more than anything, but I don’t. Fuck if that isn’t the most depressing thought. I’m a little shocked that he still has his moments now when he’s affected by it all though. I wasn’t expecting that at all, because I’ve never seen it. He well and truly acts like it’s a thing of the past. I can see what he’s saying about Wrath helping him deal, though; I wouldn’t expect anything else with them two.
“I don’t have that though.” I say, voicing my own thoughts.
Flame shoots me a look that can only be described as ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ There’s no other way to describe the look on his face right now.
“What?” I ask, confused by why he’s looking at me like that.
“Wreck man. Come on. You honestly can’t believe that. None of us have ever said anything, but come fucking on. You and Shadow—that’s more than just friendship. He’s to you what Wrath is to me. He’s your person. There’s no fucking way he wouldn’t support you the way you need while dealing with everything. He loves you.”
Shaking my head in denial, I blow out a breath and prepare myself to talk about my feelings for Shadow with another person for the first time.
“Maybe for me things are like that, but he doesn’t feel the same way, man. I’m his best friend, and he loves me, but he’s not in love with me like I am him. I can’t ask him to take on everything I’m dealing with inside right now. That’s not fair on him.”
“I swear you two are fucking blind idiots.” He says, shaking his head at me before asking, “Where are you sleeping right now?”
“Next to him. Why? What difference does that make?” I ask, confused as to where he could be going with this.
“Who’s idea was that?” He asks.
“His.”
“You realize that’s not a normal thing between friends, right? He might not realize it, but he’s in love with you, Wreck. You didn’t see what he was like when he found out you were gone. He was heartbroken. Well and truly heartbroken. Oh, he didn’t know it and probably still doesn’t, but the rest of us, we all saw it clear as day.”
“I wish I could believe what you’re saying. I may’ve only recently realized my feelings for him, but they’re so fucking strong.”
“That’s because you’ve been falling in love with him for years. The same way he has with you. He’s spent all this time wanting what he sees others have, and he’s already got it. It’s been right in front of him all along. With you.”
He can’t be right, can he? There’s no way. We can’t both be that stupid. It’s all just wishful thinking. Believing what Flame’s saying would be a massive leap of faith. One I’m not quite sure I can take. If Flame’s wrong, it could destroy everything. I couldlose the person I care about most in this world, and that’s not something I’m sure I could survive.
