Page 84 of Caught in the Crossfire
She pulled away. “What do you mean?”
“I just mean…” I swallowed, searching her eyes. All my blood was in my cock, not my brain. “It might make you feel better.”
If she couldn’t talk to us, maybe she could talk to them. They’d understand in a way we couldn’t. They could be a safe space. I didn’t care who she talked to, just that she started feeling better. I wanted her nightmares to stop and for her to stop flinching when one of us caught her off guard.
Her palms pressed against my biceps, forcing me back. “I’m fine, Cas. I don’t need to feel better. Nothing is wrong. What happened is over.”
My heart sank to my fucking stomach. Her face closed up, and she pulled from my grasp, hopping off the desk.
Instantly I was fifteen again, in Max’s room, telling him he could talk to me about his father’s death. He’d been closed off for weeks, shutting both Leona and me out. The grief he’d felt had consumed him. I’d told him he could talk to me, but he shut down. Not knowing what to do, I’d changed the subject and promised myself that I’d support him by being there for him, but I wouldn’t push him again. Eventually, he’d come out the other side, and I knew I’d made the right choice by being patient.
“Wait,” I said, hooking my hand around her waist. I pulled her back to my chest and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “I’m sorry. I know nothing is wrong. I was just thinking you’re friends with Willow. It’s good to have girlfriends. You’ve been locked up with five guys. I know how horrid we are as roommates.”
Her back shook with light laughter. “Look, I love you, Caspian, but you never wash your dishes and you leave days old cups on our nightstand. There was a coffee cup in our room thatI swear was growing a new species of bacteria. Clean up after yourself.”
I grinned, hugging her. “Sorry. I’ll do better.”
“Thanks.” She twisted in my arms and cupped my cheek. “I have to get back to work, though. I need to get Anton this route by tomorrow so his transports aren’t delayed.”
I nodded, giving her one more slow kiss.
I wasn’t going anywhere. I wouldn’t push her until she was ready.
One breath at a time.
29
WYNN
Ryuji hadn’t spoken to me in days.
He hated me. Every time his gaze fell on my back, I felt the accusation.
Her scars were my fault. Her nightmares were my fault.
He knew it; we all knew it.
At least he was being straightforward about his feelings. Obi had refused to let me join another assignment until I was “fully healed,” but I knew the truth: he didn’t trust me. Cas was acting like nothing had happened, but it was only because he didn’t want to upset Leona. Ciel had been so kind, even when I’d push him away, but it was laced with pity. His injured hand was my fault, too.
Westillcouldn’t find Orik Vokshi.
How long would they put up with my mistakes? What would it take to erase them?
The questions plagued me.
I had no answers, except that I couldn’t keep sitting here in the penthouse staring at Ciel’s computer screens.
I wasn’t like him or Leona or Obi. I couldn’t look at data setsand connect details. My brain didn’t work that way. I needed to beout there. I needed to be talking to my contacts on the streets, driving all around the city. I needed to be planting cameras or casing a building orsomething.
So that’s exactly what I was going to do.
I was packing my backpack, getting ready to sneak out of the penthouse, when someone knocked on my door. I dropped the bag onto the ground and kicked it under my bed.
“Come in,” I answered.
The door opened, and Ciel stood in the doorway holding a plate with a heaping sandwich and a side of chips. “You haven’t eaten yet, so I made you some food.”
He set the plate on my dresser and frowned. “What are you wearing?”
