Page 169 of Only Fools Rush
“Why I cannot trust you,” she whispered. “You ask for openness, yet you give none. You demand obedience and trust, yet you think I’m not owed the same.”
My mouth went dry. “I…”
She placed her hands on the counter and pushed to stand. “I’m going to bed.”
She walked away from me. She stopped fighting.
It took all of ten steps before I couldn’t contain myself.
I once wondered if she would cross the chasm I’d created between us. I realized now thatIhad to be the one to walk across.
“Wait.” I followed her, grabbing her arm, and spinning her back into my chest. “Wait.”
“What game are we playing here, Obi?” She wouldn’t meet my eyes. She looked out the window at the burgeoning sunlight just barely cresting over the horizon. “I’m tired of this. You won’t change, so what’s the point?”
My hand slid down the bare skin of her arm, and the itch subsided. My words felt stuck in my throat, not a physical hindrance like Ciel often faced, but an emotional one. A confrontation of vulnerability that went against everything I’d ever known.
She tugged her arm. She could walk out of my grip if she wanted, but she stayed within reach. Her frown said she was moments away from turning away forever. If that happened, all of this would be lost.
“I feel your presence like a magnet calling to me, even in my dreams.”
She frowned as she tried to understand.
I took a deep, steadying breath. “I was there, that night of your father’s murder.”
Her eyes went wide. “What?”
The words spilled out of me, uncontrollable, unstoppable.
“I saw you, so beautiful, and bright and free, dancing with your friends without a care in the world.” I searched her face, my hand still gripping her fingers. She didn’t pull away. “I watchedas Volpe signaled the time had come. I saw him and your father disappear upstairs. I watched you follow, and I did nothing.”
She shook her head. “Obi, what?—”
“I heard the gunshot. I saw you run down the stairs, and everything in my life shifted at that very moment. You, blazing red, on the run for your life.” My voice trailed to a whisper. I wanted to choke back the words because they were revealing the truth I’d buried, but they flowed unhindered. “I followed you. I should have left. The only reason I was there was to determine whether we should take a contract from Volpe or your father, but after I saw you…I could not look away.”
“You followed us?” She tried to make sense of it, tried to remember if she had seen me. But of course, she hadn’t. I’d made sure that she hadn’t.
I nodded. “I needed to know who you were, whether my interest was fleeting or meaningful. The two of you stood out to me. It felt…” I struggled to find the word. “…right. When I thought of you and Caspian joining the four of us, it felt right. Whole. After more than half a lifetime of emptiness, I could not give that up.”
“So then what?” Her surprise turned to indignation. “You just watched as we almost died? You did nothing?”
“I was the one who shot the SUV on that airport tarmac,” I confessed, recalling how I’d seen her distraught over Caspian’s body and been unable to let them die. That was the moment I chose to intervene, and I’d made a move toward our future.
“You saved our lives.” She dropped my hand, and her fingers tangled in the fabric of my shirt. One of her palms pressed over my heart. My hands tentatively raised to her waist, drawing her ever closer as I constantly dreamed of doing. “It was you the whole time.”
“I bought out the contract on your names. I sent Wynn to you, and I orchestrated everything because I saw you and couldnot let go.” I gripped her harder. “I am not altruistic, Leona. Do not mistake me. I wanted to know how you and Caspian could further my goals of owning New York, of expanding internationally to change the landscape of worldwide criminal organizations forever. I wanted the power that could come from your name and your connections. I knew I could use you. But another part of me…”
“What?” she murmured, urging me to continue.
“Another part of me was simply justifying the fact that you weremine, and I’d do everything in my power to bring you to me.”
Her pupils blew wide, and her mouth parted. “What are you saying?”
I slid a hand to the back of her neck. “I will never let go of what I want to build to keep my family safe. At the same time, I will never be able to untangle you from my subconscious, no matter how hard I try. I cannot fight the dissonance in my head that says those two things cannot coexist.”
“Why can’t they?” she whispered. Our breaths mingled in our proximity. “Why not?”
I released my grip on her. “I can only protect those I love when I am in the greatest position of power, and I can only gain power when I divorce my desires and emotions from my reality. That is the truth I’ve lived with for fifteen years.”
