Page 124 of Blood in the Water
“Your kisses are devastatingly sexy and extremely distracting,” she started when we broke for air. “But you’re avoiding my question.”
“Okay, okay,” I said as I let go and leaned back on the bed with my hand behind my head. She wasn’t going to let me get away with not telling her. It’s not like I didn’t want to. I just wasn’t used to bringing up the shit from my past. “Let’s see. Where to begin? It all started?—”
“Fast forward to the good parts.”
I laughed. “I’ll give you the spark notes version, then. My parents died when I was young. I was sold into the Yakuza. My childhood was terrible, yada yada. Now I’m an assassin. There.”
“Ryuji,” she said softly as she cupped my cheek. Her face said everything: if I didn’t want to talk about it, I didn’t have to. But if I did, she was here to listen.
I understood her so much better since the night before. And I was surprised to find that I wanted her to know me better, too. Maybe it would help show her why my default setting wasasshole.
“Fine. Want me to get you some tissues for this? No? Okay, then.” I took a deep breath. “For as long as I can remember, I was told to do things I didn’t want to do. Clean up after the bosses. Train my body to the brink. Sell drugs. Kill anybody myoyabunsaid to. It didn’t matter whether or not I wanted to do it. If I talked back or expressed any kind of hesitation, they’d break my fingers and beat me half to death.”
“Shit. Really?” she asked.
“Yeah. Crazy, right? I didn’t join the Yakuza of my own volition. I was sold, so they treated me basically like a slave untilI earned my way up the ranks and finally began to contribute, in their words, in ‘meaningful ways.’”
Whether on purpose or absentmindedly, she began to run her hands over the tattoos on my chest. While at first I thought it would make me feel exposed, it made me feel comfortable enough to continue.
“I killed my first man at twelve.” I cleared my throat. “A debtor with a family who had sold off his children to pay his debts. Those children lost their freedom, just like I did, but they didn’t make it. They were killed within weeks. So when that man stood before me, sobbing and begging for his life from myoyabun, I didn’t even blink. Myoyabuntold me to shoot him, so I did.
“I hated it,” I whispered as the memories from that time took over. “I hated every part of my life there, but I learned early that people will take from you if given the chance. Take, take, take, and never stop. They’ll take advantage, use and abuse, and eventually kill you. It was up to you to secure your future. That meant I needed enough money that no one could ever touch me, but I was poorer than poor.”
“You didn’t make any money in the work they made you do? The mafia at least pays good money to its made men.”
I shook my head. “The Yakuza paid me meager funds over the years, but when I was eighteen, I decided I’d had enough. I had scraped by and saved enough money to finally buy myself out. I could buy my freedom.”
“So you got out?” she asked. My fingers played with her hair.
“Not exactly. Around that time, I met a girl. At eighteen, everything feels so real, so raw. I thought she loved me. But she worked for myoyabun. She found my stash of money, stole it, and told him what I was planning.”
“She sounds like a major bitch,” she scoffed.
“Yeah, you have no idea.”
“How old are you now?” Her eyes twinkled with mischief.
“I’m twenty-eight.”
“Old man.”
I leaned forward and bit the tip of her nose. “Have some respect, then.”
She giggled, lightly pushing against my chest and drawing a huge smile from me. “So then what happened?” she asked.
My smile dropped while I placed her hand over the scar on my stomach. “Once myoyabunfound out, he shot me right here. I barely survived, and I was back to square one again. Again, I learned my lesson, and I knew I had to be even more ruthless if I was ever going to be free. So I became as ruthless as possible.”
“Ryuji, I’m so sorry,” she murmured. She interlaced our fingers, and some of the tension in my body relaxed. “How did you get out?”
“Blackmail and a debt owed to the Makarovs,” I answered as I stared at our joined hands. I wasn’t sure I’d held hands with a woman since I was eighteen. “I got as much dirt on my oldoyabunas possible and used the leverage to buy my freedom. I’d spent a lot of time in Russia on orders from theoyabun, so I’d gotten to know the Makarovs quite well. With their help, I got free. Then I met Obi, and I spent the next five years working off my debt while helping Obi build the Shadows.”
“And now you’re an assassin who owns nightclubs and tries to make as much money as possible.”
I chuckled and nodded. “So now you know. I’m afraid of being tied down and losing control over my choices. All I want is the freedom to do what I want. How’s that for pillow talk?”
“The truth about Ryuji finally laid bare in front of me. Tragic backstory and all.”
“Yep. Take it or leave it.” I laughed, but my palms were clammy. I felt exposed and vulnerable. Now that she knew the truth about me, she had all the power in the world to destroy me.All it would take would be a few well-placed words wielded like knives to the heart.
