Page 130 of Blood in the Water
“I like them too, I guess.” She shrugged. “To be honest, Cas, I’m attracted to all of them.”
Defensiveness curled in my belly. “So what’s that mean, then?” Was she saying she wanted me… and them?
She took in a heavy breath. “I think you get to answer that one for me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I want a relationship with you. I want a relationship with them. Romantically.” She looked me straight in the eyes. “Does that bother you?”
I frowned. Did it? I was still absorbing the fact that she wanted me—after so many years of loving her from the sidelines—and now she was asking if I would be willing to what? Share?
“I’m afraid you won’t want to be with me if my relationships with them grow,” she added. “I’m fucking terrified, Cas. You just told me you love me, and I don’t want anything to change that. But I’m also feeling like I’m finally learning about who I am for the very first time. I’m exploring whatIwant. And right now, I think I want all of you. I know that probably sounds bad. Or weird. Or like I’m a whore or something.”
I stopped her. “You arenevera whore. Don’t ever think that.”
“It’s just that… I was so hooked on a singular path for my life. Now I’m seeing that I could have whatever I wanted if I went after it.” She smiled sadly. “Is that selfish?”
I blinked rapidly. How could I hear that and deny her anything?
Her terrible excuse for a father convinced her she’d only be good for one thing—and then he refused to let her have the one thing she wanted.
It was never Max that Luciano deemed inferior. Luciano hated himself and couldn’t stand to see his daughter married to the one man who could oppose him. Putting Leona in that position, in between the two of them, had forced her into a box that almost got her killed.
There was no way I could fault her for trying to understand the world she never got to see. She needed to learn her place in it and deserved the chance to take what she wanted—even if it was a group of assassins.
But it also scared the hell out of me. I’d just gotten her. What if she changed her mind about me? What if she decided they were what she wanted, not me?
What if this didn’t work?
“Am I… not enough for you?” I asked, feeling more self-conscious than I’d felt since I was a teenager.
She grasped my arm. “Of course you are, Cas. You are more than enough. It’s not about enoughness. I just… I want all of you. I’m too greedy for my own good.”
“But you’re saying you still wantme?” I waved my hand to the door, to the hitmen lurking somewhere in the penthouse behind it. “You want me, and you want them?”
My whole life, I’d been second-best. Compared to Max in everything. With him, I’d tried never to let it make me bitter. But my thoughts switched to Ryuji, and the idea of being constantly in competition with that asshole made me want to punch a hole in the fucking wall.
She nodded. “I will never stop wanting you. Do you still want me?”
“OfcourseI do.” I threaded my fingers in her hair and pulled her lips to mine. “Always. Forever.”
Her lips were so goddamn soft. Everything I’d dreamed of since I was sixteen years old.
When I pulled away, her flushed cheeks and slightly swollen lips had desire surging through my veins. Despite the radiating pain from all my wounds, I wanted to pull her into my lap and thrust up into her, to show her exactly how much she meant to me. There would be no one else but her. Ever.
Could I accept the fact that she wanted others?
I wanted to be a selfish bastard. But would that push her away from me just when I’d finally caught hold?
“So Wynn, huh?” I teased. “He seems too uptight to ever want to fuck.”
She burst out laughing. “Oh, Cas, you have no idea.”
My eyebrows shot to the fucking roof. “Wait, have you had sex with him already?”
Isthatwhy Ryuji asked me if I was sleeping with her in the kitchen?
“No, no.” Her cheeks flushed red. “I’m just saying. He’s… I think they all have more underneath the surface than they let on. Stuff they’ve had buried for a long time. The more time I spend with them, the more they open up.”
