Page 137 of Touch the Sky
My throat is too thick for me to speak, but I brush my thumb over her knuckles to let her know I agree. She shivers at my touch, her eyelids fluttering closed.
“You fit me,” she murmurs. “You fit me better than anyone I’ve ever met.”
She opens her eyes and leans her head closer, until our foreheads are almost touching.
“I’ve spent years being terrified I’ll only ever be an inconvenience to a partner, or worse, that I’ll end up with someone who makes Shel feel like an inconvenience.” She grimaces for a moment and then goes on. “But maybe I’ve worried so much thatI’mthe one making her an inconvenience when she’s not a problem at all. Not to you.”
My throat is still hoarse, but I force myself to speak.
“Of course not. I promised her she is always welcome here. I meant that.”
Tess nods, the tip of her nose grazing mine.
“I know you did, and I want to trust that.”
She’s breathing hard enough that I can see the rise and fall of her chest under her jacket.
“I-I do,” she stammers. “I do trust that.”
Her eyes flare wide, like she wasn’t sure she’d be able to say it.
“Which is a huge leap of faith,” she adds in a rush, “and maybe it makes me irresponsible, but it feels true. I feel it in here, and that matters. That counts.”
She lifts our joined hands so they’re pressed between our chests.
“So I want to do this,” she says. “I want to stay at La Grange Rouge. I think we could build something really special here, and I want…you. I want you, Jacinthe. For real. I want us.”
I can feel the warmth of her breath on my lips and the heat of the setting sun on my face.
This is the part where I’m supposed to say I want us too. This is the part where I’m supposed to tell her I feel everything she does, that I want her here just as badly as she wants to stay, but I can’t speak.
I can’t make a sound.
If I tell her I want her, there’s no taking it back. There’s no putting the walls back up.
I’ll be letting her in, and it’s been so long since I did that for anyone.
She must see something in my face, or maybe I’ve just hesitated for too long. Some of the hope drains from her eyes, and her hand goes limp in mine.
“God, I’m an idiot,” she mutters. “I haven’t even asked if you want that too.”
Now isreallythe time to say something, but my stupid mouth won’t work. I can’t move my body at all, only this time, I’m not floating above myself. I’m trapped inside a cage, forced to watch Tess’s face blanch as she takes a fumbling step away from me.
“Oh, wow,” she mumbles. “I’vereallygot this wrong.”
She yanks her hand out of my stiff grip and turns her back to me. She takes a few paces away and then stops. Her shoulders begin shaking.
Inside my head, I’m screaming, but here on the hillside, there’s nothing but quiet.
She makes it all the way to the boulder and starts packing up the blanket before I finally manage to make a strangled gargling noise and take a jerky step forward.
“Tess!” I cry. “Stop!”
She freezes, and I lurch forward, panic clawing at my chest when my throat starts to swell shut again.
“Tabarnak,” I hiss. “Why is this so hard?”
She lets the blanket drop and turns to watch as I stumble all the way over to her.
