Page 124 of Touch the Sky
She frowns and shakes her head. “Doesn’t that make it easier? Aren’t you like girlfriends already?”
I try to tell her that’s not true, but something keeps my jaw clamped tight.
I let myself picture it: what dating Jacinthe might really be like.
Of course, we’d already blown through the first few steps of U-Hauling before we’d even kissed, but besides skipping the whole ‘getting to know each other over a few casual dates’ thing, I can’t imagine being together would look much different than what we already do.
Coffee and barn chores in the morning. Dinner with Shel and Gabrielle in the evening. Warm nights on the porch and cold ones by the fire.
Sunset trail rides. Sneaking kisses in the truck. Grabbing a beer with friends during the odd moments both our schedules allow it.
Hell, she’s even come trick-or-treating with us already. She’s teaching Shel to play guitar.
I didn’t have to ask her for any of that. She just did it.
She just fits.
My eyes begin to sting, and I have to dig my hands into the hay bale again to keep from falling apart.
“I don’t want to do anything that puts us at risk,” I tell Shel.
“At risk? What do you mean?”
I clear my throat and cough a few times to dislodge the lump that’s forming.
“Well, if Jacinthe and I ever have a fight,” I explain, “and she doesn’t want us to live here anymore?—”
“But she’ll always want us to live here, no matter what.” Shel points over at the spot where Jacinthe crouched down beside her just minutes ago. “She promised.”
Her voice is hopeful, excited, like she’s holding out a missing puzzle piece she thinks I’ve forgotten about.
A flicker of anger ignites in my chest.
Jacinthe should have asked before she said something like that to my kid.
“I don’t think she can really make that kind of promise.”
Shel looks stricken. “She was lying?”
I swallow a curse. I’m just making this worse.
“No, baby, she wasn’t lying,” I assure her. “Jacinthe wouldn’t lie to you. She’s just…”
I think back to the look on Jacinthe’s face when she squeezed Shel’s shoulder, to the tears in her eyes when she watched my daughter struggle tonight.
I think about how a whole group of people missed Shel’s hiding spot, but Jacinthe knew just where to look.
“She’s a very good person,” I finish, “and you’re important to her. That’s why she made that promise.”
Shel is still shaking her head.
“I don’t understand. You don’t believe her?”
I rest my head in my hands again.
I don’t know what to believe anymore, and all I have left to give Shel is the truth.
“I want to believe her. I really do.”
