Page 41 of One for the Road
I wrinkle my nose. “What do you mean? I do say.”
“It’s an expression.”
“It’s dumb.”
He thinks for a second. “Yeah, it is. Is there any reason you won’t look at me, or is that because of the champagne too?”
I keep staring at the table. Words are bubbling up inside me, and if I look at him, I’m going to let them out.
“DeeDee?”
I lift my head. He’s so close I could kiss him. Instead, I start to speak, and once I do, I can’t stop.
“I like it when you say my name. I really, really like it. I like it when you smile at me. I like it when you sit beside me. I like when you send me memes and dumb jokes. I like your beard, even though it’s kind of silly. I like your farmer boy flannel shirts. I like all your stories about your family and your small town. I like the shape of your mouth. I like the smell of your skin. I like how I feel when I’m with you—like I’m home and I’m safe and...and I likeyou, okay? I like you, Zach, and I told myself from the start that I wouldn’t.”
He’s breathing hard, shoulders rising and falling in his suit.
“Why?”
“Because it was scary. Because it mattered. Because I always end up with the guys who don’t stick around for long. I always need them too much for them to stay, and that’s fine, you know? It doesn’t matter how long they stay as long as there’ssomeone, but you...I didn’t want that to happen with you, so I knew we should just be friends. Only now we don’t even have that.”
“DeeDee.” He winces like I’ve slapped him. “DeeDee, I didn’t mean to make you think I didn’t want to be your friend. I just...I needed some time to figure out how to do that. I still want you in my life. I always have.”
“But you’re right!” I notice a few heads turn our way and lower my voice. “You’re right. We can’t. We can’t keep doing it like this. I want you too much.”
“You what?”
I swallow. “I...I want you too much.”
“Say it one more time.”
Then I notice he’s grinning. I punch him in the shoulder. “Zach, youconnard!”
“I’m sorry, I just...I have waited a very long time to hear you say that.”
“Well now I’m saying it, and everything is fucked.”
He slouches back in his chair. “DeeDee, I...There are a lot of things I want to say right now, but you’re pretty drunk, and we’re at a wedding, and it’s just really not the environment I imagined saying them in, so how about we get you home?”
He pulls out his phone, and I see him opening the Uber app.
“I’m being stupid, aren’t I?” I mumble.
“About what?”
“I don’t know. The champagne is telling me I’m stupid.”
“There, there.” He pats my shoulder. “Where are you staying?”
“My new apartment.”
“Right. I forgot you finally moved in. What’s the address?”
“Uh...” I scrunch my nose up and think. “I forget.”
“You forget?”
“I just moved in!”
