Page 12 of One for the Road
I only make sense of what she’s continuing to shriek when the rest of the room comes back into focus, the unmistakable opening of Ginuwine’s ‘Pony’ blasting through the sound system. It continues for a few beats before Paige starts doing the remixing thing she’s so good at, making the crowd go crazy all over again.
I turn back to DeeDee, searching for that moment, clinging to it like it’s a lifeline, but the rope slips out of my hands. She lets go of my shoulders, an expression I can’t place lifting the corner of her mouth as her eyes bore into mine like they’re searching for something.
Then she shrugs before throwing her head back to laugh long and loud, that infectious DeeDee energy sliding into place like a shield to block out whatever’s underneath.
“Come on.” She pats my arm and starts clearing a path through the dance floor again, leaving me to follow in her wake.
You’re a fool. You are a damn fool, Zachary Hastings.
I say it to myself over and over again as she steers us to the least crowded edge of the three-sided bar, my head hazy with panic and regret. The faces around us are just a blur.
I was going to kiss her. I was practically leaning in. I was delusional enough to think she wanted it too.
She can’t want it. She has a boyfriend. She said it herself tonight: she barely even thinks of me as aguy—as in aguyguy, a guy she could date.
She looks at me and sees a friend, and I’ve told myself over and over again that that’s enough. Being DeeDee’s friend is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, and if this is the role she wants me to have in her life, I’ll respect that. She doesn’t owe me more.
I’ll just have to find a way to never look at her mouth again.
No big deal. Completely practical.
“Do you want a drink? X should be here soon, so I’m gonna get a beer while I wait.”
It’s almost last call, and he’s getting here ‘soon.’ I know for a fact he was supposed to arrive hours ago. She spent the whole week talking about how excited she was to have him here.
DeeDee isn’t even looking at me as she tries to flag one of our coworkers behind the bar down. My head starts swimming with the fear that she realized what I was about to do on the dance floor. I grip the edge of the bar.
“Actually, I better head out.”
“So early?”
She still isn’t looking at me. Half past one really isn’t ‘so early,’ but I guess I am talking to a bartender.
“Yeah, I’ve got a lot of business stuff to take care of tomorrow,” I call out above the noise.
“Oh. Okay.” She finally turns around, bobbing her head a few times as she opens and closes her mouth like she’s working out what to say. “You know you don’t—I mean, um, I didn’t—When we...”
She trails off, staring down at the floor as she plays with that old-fashioned ring she’s always wearing. The racket of the bar fills the silence between us.
She jerks her head up after a moment and flashes a smile that appears way too fast to be real. “Tabarnak. English is hard. I don’t know what I’m trying to say. Have a good night, okay? I’ll see you later.”
“You’re okay to get home tonight?”
I know how much that matters to her. She’s never told mewhyit matters, but ever since the time I found her having what looked like a mental breakdown in the storage closet after her ride fell through one night last year, I never leave a shift without letting her know I’m around if she needs it. One stupid move on my part isn’t going to changethat.
“You’re sweet,mon ami. X has got me for tonight.”
I nod and start heading through the crowd without saying anything else, fighting my way into the back to get my jacket. I should have said a better goodbye, but I couldn’t find the words.
He’s got her.
It’s pathetic. I should get a grip, but it’s all I can think.
He’s got her, and you don’t.
Four
DeeDee
