Page 76 of Glass Half Full
“I miss you too, Renee.”
Her voice breaks, and in the next second we have our arms around each other. She starts to sniffle, and then we’re both crying, trying and failing to hold back the tears as we clutch one another.
“I don’t even know what happened,” Michelle admits in a wobbly voice. “It’s like one day there was this gap between us, and it just kept getting bigger. Then you went away, and I know you always planned on going. I know it wasn’t about me, but for some reason I felt so abandoned. It shouldn’t have made me happy that you had to come back, but part of me was, and I felt guilty about that, and then all your...your anxiety stuff happened, and I wanted to help you. I really did, Renee. I just didn’t know how. I didn’t even know if you wanted help, and we’d always end up fighting. Not that that’s your fault. It’s mine. I guess it just...It seemed easier to stay distant.”
“Hey.” Now it’s me rubbing my hands along her arms. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s not your fault, okay? It’s been both of us. I could have tried harder too. I had no idea you felt abandoned. I was pretty wrapped up in myself. I could have listened more. I could have been nicer.”
Michelle scoffs. “I’m the bratty little sister.Icould have been nicer.”
“We both could have been nicer,” I amend. “Thank you for...for being here tonight. You really helped.”
“Did something...happen?” she asks tentatively, like she’s afraid it’s the wrong question. “Or did you just...”
“Curl up into a ball on the kitchen floor for no reason?”
We both laugh. Our arms fall away from each other, and we lean our backs against the cupboard behind us, sitting cross-legged side by side.
“Sometimes that does happen,” I admit. “Sometimes it feels like there’s no reason for it at all. Today, though...I’ve had a lot going on. I haven’t had an epi—I mean an attack in a while, but today I guess I met my match.”
Michelle nudges my foot with hers. She’s still got her shoes on, which means she must have run into the kitchen as soon as she stepped through the front door.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks. “We don’t have to. We can if you want.”
I’d laugh at her hesitancy if I wasn’t so touched by it. Now that the immediate threat of me dying on the kitchen floor is over, she seems much less sure of herself.
“Well,” I begin, “there’s this guy...”
“Oh shit.” Michelle instantly perks up, a devious glint appearing in her eyes. “This just got way more interesting.”
“Wow, thanks,” I deadpan.
“Whoops, sorry.” She at least has the decency to look sheepish. “Not that you’re not interesting, but like, aguy? I didn’t think we’d be talking about a guy. Does he work at your bar?”
“He’s, uh...well he was kind of, sort of my boss.”
“RENEE!”
And that’s how I get the whole story out, sitting on the tiles of the kitchen floor with my little sister. She squeals and claps her hands a few times as I’m talking and even slaps my arm once as she calls me a ‘saucy hoe,’ but mostly she sits in silence and listens to me pour my heart out to her in a way I never have before. I skirt around the details surrounding Dylan going to prison—that’s his story to share, not mine—but other than that, I don’t hold back.
“So now I’m unemployed and heartbroken, I guess,” I finish lamely.
“Um, Renee.” Michelle narrows her eyes at me. “You are not heartbroken, girl. You are way too much of a badass bitch to be heartbroken overthis. This guy literally hid from you. He could not even show his face at the place where he’s a manager and face you. Why would you be heartbroken over that? Onwards and upwards, sister.”
“I know it’s not his finest moment,” I agree, “but I also know he can be so much better than this. I can tell he has it in him to be a much better version of himself, and even if that version doesn’t include me, I really want it for him.”
“Yeah, but like you said,” Michelle counters, “he has to want it for himself.”
“I know.” I groan dramatically. “I know that.”
She pats my arms and lets me lean on her shoulder for a moment.
“I really fucking miss him,” I whisper. “That’s the hardest part of this. I miss him so much.”
“I know.” Michelle puts her arm around me. “I know.”
The tears threaten to fall again. Just when I’m in danger of full-on sobbing, Michelle seems to get an idea.
“Hey, you know what would make you feel better?”
