Page 56 of Your Chorus
17Guns + Ammunition || July Talk
COLE
I forgotwhat it felt like to fully stretch out on a bed. Those bus bunks were not made for grown men. I doubt my calves will ever be the same. I didn’t think my sense of smell would either, but after one night back in my apartment, I’m starting to adjust to not being surrounded by sweaty tour-mates twenty-four/seven.
I roll over to face my clock. It’s almost eleven in the morning, which means I really need to get off my ass and get moving. We got in late last night, and we’re playing the final show of the tour here in Montreal this evening. Getting back to the city involved one near-collision with a limousine, a pit stop to hunt down a mouse, and a projectile ketchup packet that ruined yet another one of Sanjay’s infamous button-up shirts, but we somehow managed to make it to Montreal only an hour behind schedule.
Roxanne organized a parting gift of a leopard print towel set for Rose; towels were somehow one of the only items on the bus thatweren’talready leopard print patterned.
Roxanne likes to act tough, and she really is one of the strongest people I know, but it’s that soft side, the one that comes out when she remembers a birthday everyone else forgot or thinks to get a present for a bus driver, that never fails to feel like it’s knocking me over.
Neither of us has acknowledged that our one week is now up, but I’ve got a plan. Everything that’s happened has to have meantsomethingto her. I mean, shit, she was bent on barely speaking to me for most of this tour, and we ended up fucking like we were trying to raise hell on earth.
It’s not just the sex that matters, though. It’s the closeness. It’s all the moments that felt soright. She can’t be ready to give that up. I just have to take the final step to convince her to stay with me.
I know by now that words aren’t my strong suit, but I’ve got a plan that doesn’t rely on them. In the all years we’ve been...romantically active, we’ve never talked about moving in together. Sure, we’ve joked about what it would be like, and we’ve slept at each other’s places so often there have been times when we basicallyhaveshared a place, but it’s always felt like a line we haven’t been able to dare each other to cross.
It’s always been a boundary, and I don’t want it there anymore. If we’re going to save what’s between us, we need to stay close. I’m not ready to watch her walk away.
Tonight, Sherbrooke Station is playing right before the headliner on the last night of Osheaga, one of the biggest music festivals in the country. I remember the first year we played it, way down at the bottom of the bill with a shitty afternoon slot almost no one came out to see.
We were still fucking stoked about it, and we swore we’d be back to headline one day. We’re closer than ever to that goal, and we’ve already met so many others. This is a big night for us all; we’re playing for our city, for some of the first people to call themselves our fans, and we’re going to crush it.
And then, when people are shouting our names long after we’ve left the stage and we’re all flying high on the thrill of the show, I’m going to tell Roxanne that I love her, that I need her in my life, and that I’m ready to go farther. I’m ready to run faster and jump higher and do whatever it takes to make this work.
I’m going to ask her to live with me. To stay with me.
I’m going to save us.
* * *
Backstage isas chaotic as ever. We’ve been told to stay put in a big tent that’s been set up as a temporary green room for a few different bands, but JP has already run off to find some mysterious food he said he could smell, and Matt has run after him to try to make him come back here.
Ace is in a corner doing vocal warm-ups, which leaves Roxanne and I leaning up against a table piled with gear, making the pre-show small talk everybody seems to start spewing before a big performance.
“Monroe says that DeeDee says we should dedicate a song to her. They’re only a few rows from the front.”
She turns her phone to show me a selfie of Monroe and DeeDee wearing sunglasses and making devil horns at the camera, out in the crowd we can hear screaming even from here in the tent.
“Tell her to tell DeeDee that she doesn’t give me enough free drinks at the bar for that.”
Roxanne types the message out and then sets her phone down on the table behind her, beside her violin case.
“Can you watch my stuff?” she asks. I’m going to run to the bathroom, wherever the hell the bathroom is.”
“Sure,” I tell her, “because yeah, you’re right; there are a lot of violin thieves running around backstage at Osheaga.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “Imbécile.”
She still smiles before she takes off.
“Dude, your balls must be getting sore.”
I turn to where Ace has decided to lean himself up against the table next to me. I raise an eyebrow at him.
“That girl has had you by the balls for like half your life. Just look at you smiling after her. Well, I mean, not that you ever actuallysmile, but that’s close enough.”
He waves his hand at my face.
