Page 82 of His Sound
“Nothing is going on with me, man.”
“Okay, then. What’s up with you and Molly?”
“Nothing is up with me and Molly.” I squeezemon trucas hard as I can. “Nothing is up because we’re, uh, done.”
“Done?”
“Yeah. It got complicated, so we’re not, um, doing whatever we were doing before...anymore. We’re done.” I shrug again.
Matt doesn’t buy it.
“You can’t bullshit me. I saw what you were like with her, and I’ve never seen you like that before. That’s not something you walk away from just because it ‘gets complicated.’ What really happened?”
“Thatiswhat happened!” I argue. “You’ve all said it: I don’tdate. I don’t have the attention span for it. That’s not...how I roll, man! I don’t take shit seriously, and that includes girls. Even girls like Molly.”
“So you admit she was special?”
“Of course she was fucking special!” I can’t help shouting. “I mean, have youseenher? That girl can do anything she wants. Nothing stops her. Nothing. Even when she gets in her own way, she doesn’t give up. She’s...she’s so like, high above me, you know?”
Matt covers his hand with his mouth and looks away. I hear him let out a snort.
“Quoi?” I demand. “What? What’s so funny?”
“Oh, come on.” He’s full on laughing now. “Don’t make me sing it.”
At that, I realize what I’ve just said, and so of course we have to take a minute to sing the chorus of ‘She’s So High’ in ear-splitting falsettos. Well, Matt’s is ear-splitting. His singing is infamous, whereas I do backing vocals for the band.
“But seriously,” Matt insists, once we’ve got ourselves under control, “why end things because you don’t think you deserve her? Why not worktodeserve her? You seemed pretty fucking good for each other, if you ask me. So what if you don’t do serious? Nothing’s stopping you from changing that.”
Something is, though. Something has been stopping me my whole life.
I shake my head. “It’s not easy like that, Matt. It’s not something I can justdecide. It’s...I...”
I clench and unclench my hands, grinding my jaw as I stare down at our stained rug. Matt just sits there, like he knows I need silence right now. I’m so close to admitting it, to finally saying the fucking words out loud, but they feel lodged inside me.
I suddenly hear Molly’s voice in my head.
You think I don’t know what it’s like to feel trapped, to feel like everything you need to say is stuck in your throat? I’ve spent most of my life feeling that way. Just trust me.
I didn’t trust her, though, and look where it got me.
“I have ADHD,” I blurt.
There’s a moment of silence before Matt nods.
“I know.”
“It isn’t something I— Wait.” I cut myself off when I process what he’s just said. “Youknow?”
“Uh huh. I, um, found those pills in the bathroom about two years ago.” He glances away and then back at me. “It all just sort of made sense, you know, with yourtrucand everything. I figured you had a handle on it, that if it ever became an issue for you, you’d bring it up, and, well”—he gestures between us—“looks like that’s where we are now.”
I’m too stunned to speak.
“You...youknew? Fortwo years?” I eventually manage to ask him. “No oneknows. Not even my siblings. Just my parents, some doctors. It...it...it’s not something youtalkabout, you know?”
He raises his eyebrows. “It’s not? Why?”
“You just...”
