Page 65 of His Sound
16Tessellate || Ellie Goulding
MOLLY
Justine is drunk,but not off the two beers she had tonight. No, Justine is drunk off proximity to Sherbrooke Station, and it’s a feeling I know very well.
“How do you evenfunctionaround them?” she demands, as we round the last corner on our walk back to my place. Her breath clouds in the frigid night air. “I felt like such an idiot all night. I wanted to be cool, but they’re just like...so...”
“I know.” I pat her on the shoulder. “Trust me, I know.”
Justine insisted on interrupting her very detailed study schedule with a trip to Montreal as soon as she found out what happened on Halloween. She wanted to get on a bus that same night, but I convinced her I wasn’t all that cut up about Paul, and we agreed to put the visit off. When JP invited me to see his show, it seemed like the perfect occasion to bring her along.
It doesn’t feel so perfect now, when every part of me is aching for him and she’s the one thing stopping me from having what I’m sure would be a night to remember. My knees haven’t felt fully stable since I watched JP play that solo on stage. This might have turned out to bethenight for us.
“Come on,” I urge, linking my arm in Justine’s as I try to assuage my guilt over being an ungrateful friend. “It’s freezing out, and I have gourmet hot chocolate mix at home. It will be our nightcap.”
We climb the creepy staircase in my building, and I dig around in my purse for my key.
“Molly.” Justine grabs my arm just before I’m about to unlock the apartment. “What if Ace and Stéphanie are in there? What ifAce Turneris like,having sex on your couch?”
“Welcome to my life,” I joke, gently freeing my arm. “I think they went to Ace’s place tonight anyway.”
There is no naked rock star ass to be seen when I swing the door open. The room is dark and unoccupied. I flip the light on, and we ditch our coats and boots before I get started on warming up milk for the hot chocolate.
“You’re so blasé about it all,” Justine comments, almost reverently. “You’re like,one of themnow. It’s really fucking badass.”
I snort. “I’m notone of them. I’ve gotten used to it enough to act like a semi-normal person when we all hang out, but I’m still the weird and awkward outsider.”
“Nope.” Justine shakes her head, inspecting the canister of hot chocolate mix I set down on the counter. “You’re part of the elite squad, Molly Myers. You’ve levelled-up. You’re a full on rock star girlfriend now.”
I snatch the canister away so I can spoon the mix into our mugs.
“You know JP and I aren’t actuallydating. We’re just...taking it slow. We’re still trying to work out what this thing between us even is.”
“Oh, I think it was pretty clear tonight that you guys are ready towork some stuff out. He was practically tongue-fucking that harmonica, Molly. It was like...raw, sexual energy. I thought he was going to pull you up on stage and go to town on you right then and there. I’m pretty sure anyone with eyes was thinking the same thing.”
I shake my spoon at her. “Justine!”
She lifts her hands up. “I’m just saying, he’s got it bad for you, Molly, and not only in the raw, sexual way. You guys just look like you...geteach other.”
“I want to believe that’s true,” I admit. “I really want to. Sometimes I feel like we could be somethingbig, you know?”
She raises her eyebrows. I wave my spoon at her again to fend off a sexual joke.
“I just get the sense that if we let it, this thing could totally change our lives,” I continue, “and while that’s a really scary thought, part of me issoready for change, Justine. Everything about my life is shifting right now, like I thought it was this stagnant painting, but really it’s a kaleidoscope, and I’ve just realized how many different shapes I can be. I don’t want to hold back on things anymore—not on my job, or my drawings, or what I decide to do with my life. I especially don’t want to hold back onhim. I just look at him sometimes, and it makes me wanteverything.”
I look up from where I’m stirring the milk on the stove and find Justine staring at me.
“Did that make any sense at all?” I ask her.
She blinks at me, and then we both burst out laughing.
“Um, kind of?” she eventually manages to get out. “I’ve noticed you changing a lot, Molly. Well, maybe changing is the wrong word. It’s like you’re...shedding.”
“Shedding?”
She waves me off. “Hear me out, okay? I’ve always known you were a hot tamale. Sometimes I feel like I’ve been waiting years foryouto figure it out too, and it’s like that’s finally happening. I don’t want to get sappy, but if I hadn’t been so busy checking out Cole Byrne’s ass tonight while trying very hard to not look like I was checking out Cole Byrne’s ass, I honestly think I might have teared up seeing you as happy as you were. You’ve gotmojonow, girl, and if you don’t want to hold back, then don’t. Go get your man.”
She jerks a thumb toward the apartment door.
