Page 54 of Latte Girl
She’s sitting on the couch in a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, holding Nemo on her lap. I can’t remember the last time I saw her in something other than loungewear or scrubs. She socializes even less thanIdo.
“But someone has to get Amanda from her science club,” I state, my hands onmyhips.
My sister goes to a free science group run by the local community centre every other week. I usually find it adorably nerdy, but right now it might be about to ruinmyday.
“Do you mind, honey?” sighs Mom. “It’s too late to callanyoneelse.”
“I kind of do mind,” I tell her, trying to keep the whine out of my voice. “I’m going on that date today,remember?”
Mom rubs her temples, sighingagain.
“Right, right. Do you think you canreschedule?”
I feel something in me snap, something that’s been stretched past its breaking point for alongtime.
“No Mom, I can’t. I can’t keep putting my life on hold for Amanda. I’m there for her every single day. I hardly ever ask for time to myself. I barely even have friends anymore. This date today is really important to me. I’m not going to miss it.” My tone is even and firm, but I can feel my hands starting toshake.
“I understand that,” answers Mom, “but that doesn’t change the fact that we can’t leave your sister at the community centre all night. If you really can’t miss this date, pick her up and take herwithyou.”
“I can’t take her with me! It’sadate.”
“Sure you can.” She’s already getting up from the couch, setting Nemo down on the floor and heading forherroom.
“Can’t we just call a babysitter? I’ll pay for it! I’ll pay for her daycare, too. The only reason we can’t afford those things is because you won’t letmehelp.”
I hear my voice start to break, anger seeping through the cracks in my composure. Mom pauses in thehallway.
“Your money is going towards school, Hailey. My job is to take care of you and your sister. Your job is to take care of your education. We’ve discussed thisbefore.”
“It’smymoney. It’smylife.”
I know I sound like a petulant teenager, but the words I’ve wanted to say for so long are forcing theirwayout.
“It’s the life I gave you, and I want it to be the best it can be. You may not be able to see it yourself, but throwing away your chance at an education would be reckless and stupid, Hailey. As for looking after Amanda, we all have to make sacrifices and support each other if we want this familytowork.”
“Amanda doesn’t make sacrifices,” Imutter.
Mom wheels around tofaceme.
“Amanda is seven years old,” she snaps. “I thought you were more mature than this,Hailey.”
“It’s hard to be mature when I still sleep in my childhood bedroom!” I shout. “I’mtiredofthis,Mom.”
I’ve rarely seen my mother angry; she’s usually too distracted or worn out to work herself up, but right now she looks like she’s fighting the urge to break somethinginhalf.
“Well so am I,” she glowers. “I’ve been tired foryears, Hailey. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to be anything other than exhausted. I’m working sixty hour weeks and I’m still barely able to put food on the table for my daughters. I haven’t finished paying off the divorce lawyers. I’m drowning in debt from paying for this place because I didn’t want you to have to grow up in a cramped two bedroom apartment, sharing a room with your baby sister. Sometimes I just want tocollapse.”
She leans against the wall, as if she might fall over right then and there, but continues with her speech. “I have never regretted a moment of it, though, because everything I do is for my daughters. I live this way so that the two of you won’t have to. That’s why you need to go to school, Hailey. So you can have morethanthis.”
She gestures down at her sweatpants, at the tattered second-hand furniture in thelivingroom.
“I hope you know that it hurts me to see you miss out on things. It hurts me to have to ask for your help time and time again. It’s not fair, I know that. One day I hope you can live the kind of life I’ve always wanted you to have, but right now I need you. Amandaneedsyou.”
There’s a part of me that still wants to shout at her, even as I stare at the dark circles under her eyes, at the creases in her face that are all much deeper than they should be. Part of me wants to tell her that I didn’t ask for any of this, but I know that neitherdidshe.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her. “I’ll get Amandatoday.”
I cross the room and wrap my arms around her waist, bending down to lay my head on hershoulder.
