Page 193 of Alchemised
She had not comprehended her stark lack of intimacy until this moment. Now awakened, it seemed to claw out from under her skin, a need that she’d only ever known as an absence.
She knew that people enjoyed sex, but she had always thought it was an indulgence. She had not known it was a hunger.
Or that she was starving.
She pressed closer, wanting to erase every sliver of space between them, so tired of being always alone. A thing apart, reduced to her functions. Healer. Chymist. Liaison. Tool.
Whore.
Her eyes burned and she closed them, trying to slip free and lose herself in a place where her thoughts couldn’t catch up, but they chased her down, insinuating themselves beneath her skin where Kaine’s fingers didn’t reach. Whispering through her skull, like a damning, mocking chorus.
This was a mission. A job. What she’d been sent to do. What did it say about her, that she was so eager? So hungry for this feeling of being wanted?
Kaine’s teeth scraped along the curving bone of her jaw, his touch evoking an ache that nearly split her open.
When he bit down on the side of her neck, she shuddered with a gasping moan, fingers grasping, digging into his skin, and he turned her until she was beneath him on the sofa, his warmth and weight surrounding her, pressed against her.
It was happening so fast. Why would he so suddenly want her like this?
Reality caught up like a blow to her chest: He didn’t.
He was intoxicated. And no longer injured.
After months of agony, he was ravenous for pleasure and physical release.
And she was here. Drunk and compliant, ready to be consumed.
A starved wolf would sate itself on anything.
She stared at him, her ribs clenching around her lungs until she couldn’t breathe. Shame burning trails down her temples as she recoiled.
Kaine went still, then lifted his head. He looked at her for only a moment, then pulled his hands away and himself off.
“I think it’s time you go,” he said.
CHAPTER 38
Julius 1786
HELENA SAT UP BUT DIDN’T MOVE TO leave. She just sat beside him on the sofa, trembling as she fought back tears. She looked over at the clock and a wave of despair washed over her.
“The checkpoints are closed now,” she said. “I can’t get into the city until morning.”
He sighed, sitting back and looking away from her.
She wrapped her arms around herself, pulling her shirt closed, fumbling at the buttons, her chest hitching as she tried not to cry.
“Why are you crying?” he finally asked.
She smeared at her cheeks with her hand. “Because I’m lonely, and kissing you, and you don’t even like me.”
He looked at her and then tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling for a full minute.
“Why do you think I was kissing you?” he finally asked in a tight voice.
“Because I’m here.”
He looked at her again. “Why’d you kiss me?”
