Page 430 of Alchemised
Helena’s throat closed. She stepped away, going to the cupboard and tucking a tablet into her mouth and quickly drinking a glass of water. She’d known these conversations would come up eventually. Enid was getting too old to keep avoiding them, especially given how desperate she was to go to Paladia and study alchemy like Pol, who’d just begun his first year at the Institute.
“Yes,” she finally said. “I was captured for a while, and it wasn’t very nice, so that’s why I decided to run away and have you instead. It’s been much more fun.”
Kaine entered the room, and Helena stiffened.
“E,” she said, “do you mind running to the village and getting some cheese for dinner? We’re all out.”
Enid hopped up, curly hair flying, and disappeared out the door.
“What’s wrong?” Kaine asked as soon as Enid was gone.
“Enid noticed the scars from the manacles just now,” Helena said without meeting his eyes.
“What did you tell her?”
Helena inhaled. “As much as I thought she was ready to know. I didn’t lie.”
Kaine just arched an eyebrow. Helena set her jaw and went over to a shelf and pulled down a newspaper.
“A crate of them arrived today,” she said. “I was looking through and this was there.”
She lifted the paper. WAR CRIMINAL FOUND DROWNED IN HEVGOSS.
Kaine’s eyes gleamed.
Helena looked down, studying the words. “It was Stroud. She was found in a lake. She appeared to have had a heart attack while swimming. Hevgoss is facing questions—apparently they took her in and gave her immunity in exchange for her research. Which is ironic given all those trials they presided over, where every guard was found guilty. But apparently the worst of them was quietly pardoned.”
There was a brief silence.
“Pity someone didn’t kill her,” Kaine finally said.
“Someone did,” Helena said in a voice that was almost a hiss.
Kaine stared at her blankly.
“Don’t,” she said. “Don’t you dare lie to me.”
Kaine gave a low sigh, and when he looked up, the sharpness of him reemerged like a raw blade.
The version of himself that he wore perfectly on the island whenever Enid could see him—softness, crooked smiles, quiet monologues. It all vanished, and now he was real again. As cold and gleaming as razor-edged steel.
“Why would you do this?” Helena said, feeling as if there were a chasm inside her. “Haven’t we done enough? Why would you take a chance like this? Did you even think about what would happen if you’d been caught—”
“I was careful,” he said, not defending himself at all. “Did you really think I was going to let her live?”
Helena tried to swallow. She’d spent the day working to keep her heart under control, but she was too upset to manage her distress. “You lied to me. It was when we were at the ports, wasn’t it? When you said you had to go take care of some financial matter, but this is what you were doing. Now every time you go—anywhere—I’m going to wonder where you really are. And worry that you’re never going to come back to me—”
Her voice broke.
Kaine reached for her, but she stepped away from him. Pressing her hand against her chest, trying to keep her heart steady so she could keep talking, keep being angry. She was so angry.
“Is this not enough for you? Is having this life so dissatisfying that revenge is worth the risk?” Her eyes were burning. “In a few years, we’re going to have to tell Enid who you were. She’s going to go to school soon, and even here in Etras, she’ll hear about the war and hear your name. We both know exactly where she’s going to end up, and there will be no hiding the things you did. It’s going to shatter her world—even if she hears it from you first.”
Kaine’s jaw clenched. “I—”
“We don’t get to have all the things we want in this life. Remember? You were the one who told me that. You said there was a point when I had to realise I wasn’t going to get everything I wanted, and I had to choose and let it be enough. I thought we chose this. Have I been lying to myself this whole time?”
Her lungs started spasming so violently, an awful whistling rasped up her throat.
