Page 425 of Alchemised
Helena could feel her heart rate trying to rocket. So close, so close. Just one more and it would be over.
“That’s it! Yes! Shoulders are out, just breathe, she’ll come …”
There was a garbled wail as Lila lifted a wet, squirming bundle and thrust her into Helena’s arms. Helena gave a startled gasp as her daughter’s tiny, scrunched-up face nuzzled against her. The baby’s head was matted with dark wet curls.
All her exhaustion was forgotten. Helena’s hands shook as she cradled the baby close. The tiny head lifted, looking towards Helena, and a little mouth opened to utter an angry, protesting cry.
Lila was saying something, but Helena could only stare as the baby furrowed her featherlight eyebrows, eyes widening briefly.
They were as bright silver as a lightning storm.
Helena gave a sob and held her tighter. “Kaine—she has your eyes.”
CHAPTER 77
Janua 1790
HELENA SAT IN BED, COUNTING HER DAUGHTER’S fingers and toes, studying the tiny fingernails and the squashed profile. Lila had rubbed the vernix in thoroughly and swaddled the baby with expert speed before giving her back to Helena.
The matted brown hair was beginning to dry and stand in little tufts around her soft head.
“Looks like she got my hair,” Helena said as she looked up, smiling.
Kaine was standing almost as far from her as he could without going for the door.
She stared at him in confusion. He had barely left her side for weeks, but now he looked cornered.
“Kaine … come and see her.”
He swallowed. “Helena—”
“She’s your daughter.”
The muscle in his jaw jumped. “Yes. I know. I remember how it happened.”
The smile on Helena’s face vanished.
She looked down, the silence in the room so heavy that she felt as though she were being crushed by it. Some wounds would never heal, and sometimes she felt that she and Kaine had a nearly lethal number of that variety.
“I think I should go.”
“Come here,” Helena said, not giving him a moment to interpret her silence as agreement. Her voice was hard and flat.
He exhaled, his eyes despairing, as though his heart were being carved out of his chest, but he didn’t move.
“Kaine … come here,” she said forcefully.
He swallowed and stepped closer.
“We didn’t have any choice. You didn’t. But that’s over now. We said we’d start over when we ran away. That’s what we’re doing now. She’s never going to know that world.”
Kaine was looking anywhere but at the baby.
“She’s not going to hurt you, and you’re not going to hurt her.”
“Helena.” His voice was strained. “I’m not supposed to have this life. Paladia is drowning in the blood I’ve spilled. You think that doesn’t include children? Killing is the only thing I’ve ever done well. Do you really want someone like that near your daughter?”
Helena froze, staring at him, and finally looked down. “You didn’t have any choice,” she said. “And it’s not all you’ve done. You saved me. You saved Lila and Pol. We—we did what we had to, to survive. But we get to be better than that now. We’ll do it for her.”
