Page 314 of Alchemised
“I know your face too well.” He sighed. “You’re thinking you’ll have to kill me now, aren’t you? That I’m too much of a liability.”
She said nothing, refusing to open her eyes.
“Would you really do it?”
She looked at him. “You know—you know I will not choose you at the price of everyone. It wouldn’t even save you if I did.”
He looked away then. “You’d never forgive yourself.”
Her jaw trembled. “No. I wouldn’t—” Her throat grew thick. She struggled to swallow, unable to lift her head. “But it wouldn’t be the first unforgivable thing I’ve done. What’s one more line for the history books?”
He was silent for a long time.
“What will you do when I’m gone?” he asked, as if that was all that mattered.
“I’m sure you can imagine.”
The ceiling blurred at the thought of a world where Kaine was gone and she was alone, with no one to blame but herself.
She hated this war. She had thought she could do anything. That she was strong enough for it. That there would be no limit to what she was willing to do or endure. Apparently, Kaine had become her limit.
She couldn’t imagine herself without him. She didn’t think she’d even exist anymore.
She gave a choking gasp, struggling for air, lungs rattling.
Suddenly Kaine was over her, holding her face in his hands, tilting her head so she could breathe. That was all the embrace possible.
“Just live, Helena.” His voice was shaking. “That’s all I’m asking you to do for me.”
Helena gave a low sob, lungs whistling as she fought to breathe. “I can’t promise that. You know I can’t promise that. But I can’t risk what you’ll do if I die.”
He kissed her. She could taste the plea on his lips.
“I’m sorry,” she kept saying again and again, “I’m sorry I did this to you.”
A harsh buzz broke the air. Kaine went rigid and jerked back with a curse. Another buzz. Two long and two short. Each time the noise came, the lights in the room dimmed, flickering ominously.
He looked around, his teeth gritted. “Fuck. I’m being called back to the city.” He stepped away but kept staring down at her. She could see the calculation in his eyes as he seemed to hesitate over something. Finally an expression of despair flashed across his face.
“Davies,” he said. His voice barely carried, and his eyes went out of focus for a moment. “Come here.”
The door behind him opened, and a woman entered. Helena didn’t know enough about servants’ uniforms to place what she was, but she recognised the name.
Enid Ferron’s lady’s maid stood beside Kaine, looking down at Helena with rheumy blue eyes. A faint whiff of something dry but organic drifted into the room with her. She was dead but so expertly reanimated, she looked almost lifelike.
Helena looked around the room and towards the window, realising that she couldn’t see any buildings, just sky and trees.
“Where are we?” she asked abruptly. She didn’t even know how long she’d been unconscious.
“Spirefell. My family’s country estate,” Kaine said, pulling on his uniform, the black coat and cloak. “I’ll explain more later. I have to go. Don’t be afraid of Davies. She won’t hurt you.”
Helena kept staring at the necrothrall. One of the servants who’d died when Kaine became Undying, whose life was responsible for his immortality and immutability. He’d reanimated her?
“I’m sorry,” he was saying, “I thought I had more time to explain. You’ll be safe here. No one will find you. I’ll be back as soon as I can.
“Davies, take care of her.” He leaned over Helena one last time, stroking her hair. “You’re safe. I promise.”
Then he was gone. She could hear something in the walls and floor moving but couldn’t see what it was as she was left paralysed, in the care of a necrothrall.
