Page 234 of Alchemised
She’d said that already. She felt so stupid, so blindly trusting. And she was too late, too slow; there wasn’t enough time left.
His right hand rested on her shoulder, heat seeping through her. She bit down on her lip, swallowing hard.
“You always have to come back,” she said. “All right? Don’t die. Promise—”
Her voice failed.
“Marino, what’s wrong?” He tried to step back, but she wouldn’t let go.
“Nothing! I just spent a lot of time making that medical kit for you, and I did spend an hour teaching you how t-to use it, so—I think it would be really ungrateful if you—d-died.”
He gave a hollow laugh and stepped closer so that his chin grazed the top of her head. His sigh was almost despairing.
“All right …” he said, “but only because you asked.”
The words ran through her like a knife through the chest.
She’d thought for so long that she could do anything. For the war. For Luc. That she had it within her to pay any price. Now she’d found her limit.
Kaine wasn’t innocent, but he wouldn’t deserve what would happen to him if he was caught. Even if she could rip out his talisman and take it back with her, he wouldn’t be dead. He’d just be in some cursed limbo inside Morrough.
His hand slipped away from her shoulder. He stepped back, and there was a strained look in his eyes.
“You shouldn’t have come here,” he said. “I thought there was an emergency. If you show up like this for no reason, you risk my cover. I have to guess whether or not I need to respond.”
It wasn’t until he’d told her about Blackthorne that she’d even begun to consider the magnitude of the risk Kaine was taking. Crowther and Ilva had kept her so focused on the danger that Kaine represented to them, she’d never considered the threat they were to him.
The blood drained from her head. She’d always thought of him as so much safer than her, that she was the one taking all the risks, venturing out into enemy territory, mortal as could be. That wasn’t an accurate way to view it at all. The Resistance spies and scouts often carried cyanide pills to escape interrogation if their capture was inevitable. That wasn’t an option for him.
Even if he ran, hid, it wouldn’t matter, because Morrough had the phylactery. He’d be far safer if he only ever sent the necrothralls, but he was here right now. He’d come because she had.
Why couldn’t Ilva see the significance of that?
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I won’t do it again.”
He looked doubtful.
“I swear,” she said. “If I ever come back, it’ll be legitimate.”
He gave a sharp nod. “You’ve given your word. I’ll trust you to keep it.”
Her stomach clenched. Don’t trust me. Don’t trust the Eternal Flame. We’re all liars.
She gave a small nod.
When he was gone, Helena stood alone. The windows were rattled by the wind, but she lingered, growing colder and colder, wondering what to do.
CHAPTER 47
Janua 1787
WHEN HELENA RETURNED TO THE OUTPOST THE next week, the room was covered in some kind of thick drop cloth that padded the floor and bunched up around the door when she tried to push it open.
Ferron was already there, his cloak and coat stripped off, dressed down, and his shirtsleeves were rolled past the elbows. She froze.
Northerners were all so pale that they nearly glowed in the wintertime, while Helena turned sallow and sickly looking without sunlight. She missed the warm southern sun so much, sometimes her skin ached for it.
“I’m not training you for a battlefield,” Kaine said. “The point of all this is to ensure you have the skills to get away. At this point, you should be fine around necrothralls as long as there aren’t too many, but if you run into one of the Undying, they will pursue, and you’ll be lucky if they only kill you.”
