Page 215 of Alchemised
He nodded jerkily, his eyes still fastened on Lila’s face.
“When I was a kid,” he said, his words rough, “I used to think it wasn’t fair that all the real wars were over before I was born. Used to be afraid I’d be one of the Principates everyone forgot, because nothing happened.” He looked down; he was ripping at his nails, all his fingers bleeding. “I’d do anything to have that now. I can’t taste anything now except blood and smoke, and I don’t feel anything except when I’m on fire. The stories made it sound so good. Fighting for a cause. Being a hero.” He shook his head. “Why does everyone pretend it’s anything like that?”
Helena reached out, fingers brushing against his shoulder, not sure what to say, how to comfort him.
“Maybe that’s what they had to tell themselves, to live with it. Maybe it’s all they let themselves remember,” Helena said, but she, too, wondered that anyone who’d seen war’s true face would let it be so gilded.
THE DEBRIEFING THAT OCCURRED ONCE Lila woke and was declared out of danger was tense. It was the first time Luc would leave the hospital.
Matias, Ilva, Althorne, and Crowther all stared down at Luc from the dais while he glared defiantly back at them. All his penitence seemed to have vanished.
“Lucien,” Ilva said after a long silence, “Lila Bayard is your paladin. It is her sworn duty to protect you, be it at the cost of her own life. You endangered your entire unit, injured a dozen of your own men and Council member Jan Crowther, and violated your vows as well as the orders of General Althorne. You have been summoned for censure.”
Luc lifted his chin. “I’m sworn to protect this country and represent the values of the Eternal Flame which my forefathers established. Neither of those vows will be fulfilled if I let people die for me when I can save them.”
“You are the heart of the Resistance. A symbol of hope and light and goodness. You do not get to choose one person’s life over that. You betrayed the people who follow you, and you betrayed your paladins, particularly Lila, who knew her oaths and was prepared to do as she had sworn. Your selfishness nearly rendered her sacrifice worthless.”
“I’m not a symbol,” Luc snapped, “or a heart. I’m Principate. We lead by our actions, not our commands.”
The argument was all theatre. The Council had to censure him, and Luc stood there like a figure of myth, inexorable and resolute.
Ilva sat, gaze like a serpent as she stared down at her great-nephew. “That is not your choice. If you cannot follow orders and protocol in the presence of your friends”—she emphasised the word carefully, the insinuation crystal-clear—“then you will be reassigned to a different unit and provided with new soldiers to act as your paladins. Although, in keeping with tradition, we will allow you to retain Soren Bayard.”
Luc’s mouth snapped shut like a sprung trap, his face losing a shade of colour.
“The choice is yours,” Ilva said, seeming satisfied by his silence. “Choose carefully.”
Luc stood a moment longer, radiating fury. Soren was just behind him, standing to his right, still acting as primary while Lila recovered. There was a new gauntness to his face.
“I will uphold my vows and those which I have accepted.” Luc’s voice was hollow and defeated.
“Good,” Ilva said, but her voice was still cold, disapproving at how long it had taken Luc to choose. “The recovery team managed to kill the chimaera before it escaped the East Island. A wall was found breached. There will be an investigation into how that happened. Given the behaviour of the creature, we must assume that they’re capable of more than we realised. Based on reports, it appears likely they wanted Luc taken alive, and the animal was capable of targeted hunting. Althorne, you have the floor.”
HELENA PUT OFF THE MEETING with Crowther for as long as she could, but eventually she ran out of excuses. In retrospect, her decision to restore the nerves in his arm had been impulsive. It hadn’t been an emergency; she could have waited for him to regain consciousness and asked if he wanted it done.
It had been a reactive choice. She’d seen the danger Luc represented to everyone and acted based solely on that. Now she regretted it. Crowther was more likely to use two hands for torture than to ever use them to protect Luc from himself again.
Crowther was putting away a chess set as Helena entered, using his right hand to slowly grasp each piece and place it in a box.
“Marino.”
Helena just stood there, not sure what to expect. Crowther paused in his work, staring at his hand, opening and closing it slowly. It was barely more than skin and bone.
“I understand that I have you to thank for this.”
She wasn’t sure if he meant it sarcastically or not.
“I should have asked,” she said. “I just—after Luc, I was worried about what would have happened if you hadn’t been there.”
She couldn’t read his expression, but he nodded slowly.
“You have an interesting intuition. I may have underestimated it,” he finally said. “I can’t say I’ve ever thought much of vivimancy. However—you do the Eternal Flame credit.”
WINTER BORE DOWN ON PALADIA. Icy mountain wind whipped across the river basin, leaving the buildings and windows brilliant with frost. With nothing left to forage, Helena had long hours to work in the lab.
Shiseo had done what no one else could and identified the remaining compounds of the alloy which had been injected into Vanya Gettlich all those months ago.
The final compound in question had evaded analysis.
