Page 44 of Devil on Skates
DAYS PASS BY, AND Itry every way to reach her, but she blocks or ignores all my calls, messages, and emails.
I can’t sleep and I can barely focus. The hockey suspension I was worried about doesn’t even matter to me, since it’s overshadowed by the bigger mystery. What happened to Irina and me?
If she changed her mind, why not say so? If she went back to Keith by choice, why cut me out completely without an explanation? Unless my dad was right all along and I imagined something real was there when Irina was actually only playing a game with me. Maybe she thought I’d go pro and become rich, and then she could have it all.
What if everything about her was all an act, even though my brain doesn’t want to believe it?
She was supposed to be a challenge and a distraction. That’s how I told myself I’d handle it. But somewhere along the way, I let myself care. And now, I’m left with nothing but questions and regrets.
When sleep finally comes, it’s restless. My dreams are filled with bits and pieces of us. She laughs at my terrible music taste, listens carefully when I explain hockey strategies, and tells me all about her complicated relationship with her dad. Those are supposed to be warm memories, but now they feel like none of it was real.
I shouldn’t have lowered my guard around her. Letting her in was a huge mistake, and she just decided to rip my heart out as if it all meant nothing to her.
My phone buzzes, and I almost hope it’s her with an explanation that makes sense.
But it’s not.
It’s her dad.
Your suspension’s been lifted. Come to practice tomorrow morning. We’re traveling this weekend. Some people have specifically requested you to be there. Be on your very best behavior.
Specifically requested me? I frown. Why would someone be pushing for me now, after everything that went down? Everyone who reported on that game labeled me as a difficult, hot-headed, and undisciplined player who’s too aggressive for no reason.
Under different circumstances, getting a message like this would mean I was getting a second chance and a shot to prove myself and turn things around. But now it’s just a hollow consolation for what I’ve lost, if it’s even real and they haven’t mistaken me for another player. Maybe they haven’t even heard about the game that got me suspended and the request was made before it.
I shouldn’t get my hopes up, but getting hockey back at least gives me something else to focus on aside from Irina.
And if this is an actual second chance for me, I’m going to play the best game of my college career. I’ll be disciplined in a way nobody expects after what happened. I’ll show Irina exactly what she walked away from without a word.
My dad was right. Caring makes you vulnerable and falling for someone is pointless, because even when you think it’s real, you end up hurt.
But now I have a purpose again. It’s messy and complicated, but it’s mine. I’ll take control where I can. No matter whathappens, at least I’ll have the ice, where success depends on execution, not emotions.
I’ll find a way to make Irina and Keith pay. She’ll realize she made a huge mistake and that there’s no going back.
Chapter 23
IRINA
I GO THROUGH MY MORNINGroutine without even thinking. As I stare out the window at a view I never picked, I wait for the coffee machine to finish. Yet another day of pretending and keeping my real feelings locked away.
Costello had this place set up within hours after ouragreement. It’s in the building just across from Keith. Definitely close enough for visits, but still far enough away to try to pretend that I’m independent. The guards try to be discreet, making sure I stick to the rules of the arrangement.
My phone buzzes with Keith’s morning text. He’s punctual as always and careful to sound sweet but ends up totally emotionless.
Good morning. We’ll have dinner together. Wear something nice.
At least he’s busy today, so I have until dinner. Maybe I can study a little, even though I don’t feel like it, especially because my education is on hold right now. I type him a quick reply.
Looking forward to it.
Contact made, expectations set, and roles locked in place. If it weren’t all so hollow, it’d almost be impressive. I think back to the time I spent with Xavier, and everything seems empty in comparison.
Xavier. The mention of his name is enough to make my chest constrict. That ache never fully goes away, no matter how much I try to shove it down. Every day without any contact feels like a betrayal. But it’s what I have to do to protect his future, even if it hurts.
I keep tabs on his career from afar. His suspension got lifted way earlier than expected, and he’s back on the ice. Costello’s influence is doing its job, turning what could’ve been a career-ending mess into a second chance. The contract’s probably waiting, as long as Xavier shows he’s back under control and not a risk.
But honestly, it’s all just too much. My silence is probably hurting Xavier, and I’m losing parts of who I am just to keep up the act.
