Page 66 of I Despise You
Chapter 24
MY CHEST HURTS EVERYtime I see Chase, and the worst part is that I miss him. Not the out-of-control, crazy guy who attacked me, but the guy I know that he can be. I don’t know how long I’ll need to get over him, but for now, I’m just glad that Vanessa goes everywhere with me.
Chase has texted me a few times, asking me to meet with him and talk, but I’ve been ignoring his texts because there’s nothing to talk about. I don’t want to hear another excuse and him telling me that he’s sorry when there’s no guarantee that the whole thing won’t happen again.
After another test, I groan when I see the results. Chase and I are tied up for the first spot, and I don’t know how I feel about that. I have to force myself to study because it’s hard to focus without my mind wandering to him.
In the cafeteria, Vanessa briefly turns to talk to one of the girls. I see Chase a second before he appears in front of me.
“Liliana—” He reaches out for me, and I flinch.
His hand drops to his side as his lips part in surprise. I guess I’m truly scared of him. I haven’t been that terrified the night Brittany tricked me into going to his room. Then, I wasn’t scared for my life, but now I am.
“I miss you,” he says, his eyes glassy. He’s still using something. Either those pills or something else. It’s not something I can or should help him with if he doesn’t want to help himself.
“What are those pills?” I ask, looking deep into his eyes. “Why are you taking them? Do you have some kind of condition or—?”
I don’t even know why I want to know. It shouldn’t matter now, but I keep hoping there’s an explanation for his behavior. It wouldn’t be an excuse, but it would make me feel better if I knew that it wasn’t just him being himself.
He opens his mouth, averting his gaze.
“You know what? I don’t care.” I walk away from him, and Vanessa is by my side in an instant. If Chase doesn’t want to tell me about the pills, he doesn’t have to.
“Are you okay?” Vanessa asks. “I swear I looked a moment before and he wasn’t anywhere in sight.”
“It’s fine. You don’t have to be my personal bodyguard all the time. I feel much better now, and I’m safe here.” Chase isn’t going to attack me in the middle of a crowded cafeteria, especially when everyone has a phone with a camera.
“I know, but I don’t mind being your bodyguard. Chase should just stay the fuck away from you. Is he bothered that you’re totally going to kick his ass and win the scholarship?”
“We share the first place, so I don’t know about winning.”
“Oh, come on. Give yourself more credit. The only reason Chase has the same number of points as you do right now is because he threw you off your game. But you can do this. I know you can. It’ll be glorious when you beat him.”
“Thanks for being so confident about it.” A small smile stretches across my lips. Before Vanessa and I leave the cafeteria, I glance over my shoulder at Chase.
He’s still looking at me, but I can’t read the expression on his face. Maybe it’s sadness, anger, or a mix of both. I wish moving on wasn’t so hard, and I can only hope the hole in my heart will eventually close.
