Page 38 of Royal Bargain
I just stare at her for a second, blinking. Of all the things I thought she might be hiding… this wasn’t one of them.
But it’s like I’m looking at her and I actuallyseeher for the first time. Everything about her, all the stuff I chalked up to personality quirks, or just stress suddenly makes sense.
"Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask softly, not accusing—just sad that she felt the need to hide herself. “Why did you feel like you couldn’t tell me?”
Her fingers twitch, but she doesn’t pull away.
“I didn’t want you to look at me like everyone else does when they find out,” she murmurs. “I didn’t know if you could understand. Maybe you’d see me as broken or too complicated.”
Her voice cracks on the last word, like she hates herself just for saying it.
I brush my thumbs over her knuckles. “Annika…”
She shakes her head, fast and sharp. “You don’t get it. My father—he never wanted to admit anything was wrong. Said it would make me look weak. Said I had to act normal or people would think I wasn’t good enough. Smart enough. He told me if I didn’t learn to mask it, no one would take me seriously.”
There’s a crack in her voice that shreds something in my chest.
“Everyone at school called me the weird girl. They called me dumb when they wanted to be mean. Quirky when they were being nice. My sisters always thought I was just being difficult when I didn’t pick up on things. Like I should’ve known better.” She lets out a brittle laugh. “I was always too much or not enough. Except with Aleksey. He never made me feel like a problem. He used to… sort of run interference when I got overwhelmed. He understood in his own way. But even then, I didn’t talk about it. I didn’t say it.”
She draws in a shaky breath. “But I couldn’t keep hiding it. Not when things between us started falling apart because of me.”
My heart twists at the look in her eyes. It’s as though she’s bracing for me to back away. Like she’s already preparing to be left.
“Hey.” I shift closer, tightening my grip on her hands. “That’s not why things have been hard. And it’s not your fault. None of this is.”
Her gaze flickers, doubtful. I swallow and squeeze her hands. “I have to tell you something, too. I have ADHD. So I get it.”
Her brows lift in surprise, and I give her a sheepish smile.
My lips twist as I think about how it was for us growing up. “I spent most of my life feeling like the odd one out. Even with my brothers.”
I pause, trying to find the right words. “School was hell for me. I wasn’t stupid—my brain just… worked differently. I could think fast, solve problems in weird ways, but none of thatshowed up on paper. I couldn’t sit still, couldn’t stay focused. Teachers would get frustrated and lump me into the ‘slow’ group.”
Annika’s eyes soften, her thumb brushing lightly along mine.
“I’d get bored. Restless. That’s when I started acting out.” I let out a breathy laugh, humorless. “I wasn’t trying to be a bad kid. I guess I just didn’t know how to keep myself from acting out when I was bored or stressed. And when the other kids started picking on me, calling me names, pushing me around, I learned real fast that being quiet didn’t keep the other kids from coming after me.”
Her hand tightens around mine.
“So I fought back. Got good at it, too. Became the kid no one messed with. And that… sort of became my role. It was the only thing I knew how to do that made me feel useful.”
I glance down, then up again, meeting her gaze. “That’s still how they see me sometimes—my family. The enforcer. Their blunt instrument. And maybe that’s not wrong, but it’s not all I am either. Just like how being autistic isn’t all you are.”
Her thumb is still stroking over the back of my hand in a slow rhythm, like she’s trying to ground me in the motion, or maybe she’s trying to ground us both.
Then she tilts her head, her voice soft but steady. “But… what doyouwant to do, Liam? If you weren’t the enforcer. If you weren’t just the bodyguard or the backup muscle. What would you choose?”
The question hits harder than I expect.
I open my mouth, then close it. Try again. “I… I don’t know.”
It sounds pathetic, even to me. I look away, jaw tight. “I’ve never really thought about it like that. There was always someone who needed something. Rory with the business. Kellan running interference. Alannah being the only one of us withbrains. Lucky trying to figure himself out. I just filled in the gaps. Went where I was needed. Did what had to be done.”
I shake my head, chuckling without humor. “I think I got so good at playing a part that I forgot I could want something else. Or maybe I just figured I wasn’t allowed to.”
Her brow furrows, and she leans in a little. “You’re allowed to want things, Liam. Even if it’s messy. Even if it’s not what anyone expects.”
I meet her eyes, and for a second, I think maybe she sees me—really sees me—the way I tried to see her when she confessed.
