Page 95 of A Touch of Stars and Stones
“It’s about why you and the rest of the Orders lied about knowing Ever was a Fifth, why you are sabotaging her training, and why you’re still worried about her. There are too many things that don’t add up, and we, she, deserves to know whatever truth you’re hiding.”
Another pause.
“Well, quite the list of demands.” His jaw tightens, and he saunters from behind his desk and comes to stand before the map on his wall. “You, none of the trainees for that matter, are in any position to demand knowledge from us.”
“You’ve kept us in the dark, and it’s dangerous.” It feels like the anger and tension, built up over weeks, are about to set fire inside my chest. My hands in my pockets are burning with rage as if I might use them as physical weapons.
This might have started about Ever, but there’s unfinished business between us, and it’s bleeding into this argument. Getting it back on course is the safest move, so I join him in front of that map. “You said she was a danger. Well, she is. Although,” I look over him, “when you warned me, I don’t think that you meant that in the same way. I think you believe her to be dangerous to Kirrasia.” I nod to the map. “Not us on a personal level during training—though maybe Azur, or Ascella, stars, even I might debate that.”
“She injured you?” His head snaps towards me.Wow, maybe he does still care.
“No blood drawn.” I give my half-truth in return and keep the rest to myself.
“You wanted to know about her and what she knew. Your concern isn’t just on a physical level,” I state. “So, if you already knew she was a Fifth, what else are you worried about?” I turn and stare at the map, taking note of the movements and changes over the last few months, my mind whirring again. “Sunatora? It’s been what, over twenty years since we had to defend against them, although I know there are more army deployments now. Or is it Nehandun? They’ve been quiet for even longer. Do you think she’s a spy? That the King is finally brave enough to send someone in?” I know she’s not, but I feel like pushing him.
“She is no spy,” he spits. “She knew nothing of us, or even what she is herself before she came here.”
“Agree. So, it must be another secret you’re hiding from her.” This was perhaps the worst part of the deceptions that Ever has been subjected to, and part of me hopes that I’m wrong. But what Aurelia said to Ever in class, about knowing Fifths and them both being dead, has stuck in my mind. At Ever’s Transference, Kamari said that it wouldn’t matter what her Advocate was, being a Fifth was already determined, so I ask the question that would make the most sense of all of this. “Do you know who her parents are?”
“Enough!” He bellows. “You have no right to level these questions at me.”
“Maybe, maybe not. But Ever has the right. She’s in the dark. About everything. And you might believe it’s safer that way, but I can assure you, it’s not.”
He stalks off around the office like he can’t bear to hear that he’s been caught out. His avoidance is answer enough for me, at least that he’s guilty of knowing and keeping some level of detail safely away from Ever.
I wait for an explanation or something that will make sense, but the silence stretches.
“When, and only when, you are in my position shall you have the right to question my decisions. You have no idea just how difficult things are now. How perilous our peace now is.” His voice holds an icy calm, and for a split second, I wonder if there’s something else he’s hiding. Something that would explain why it’s so important to keep such a rare ability hidden.
“Well, thanks to your decision, I’ll never be in your position, will I,Dad?”
His cold eyes turn to me, and all I see is disappointment. “Your path shouldn’t have to change. You’ll still be the Head of an Order. You are just as powerful as you always were. Don’t let the colour of the Order deter you.”
Just like that, he dismisses me again and dismisses my concerns. “Why did you do it? Why did you sell me out?” My voice quietens, but I know he’ll see the bite in those words.
“You think that my decision was a simple one? That it was as simple as if I should or shouldn’t be your Advocate?”
“Yes,” I grit the words. “You raised me for this. This was meant to be my future.” I hold my arms out, signalling the room we’re standing in. “Now, I have no fucking clue. And that’s on you. And Mother. Stars, you say, be the next head of the Guard Order. I don’t even know how to control her gifts. Because I’ve spent my entire life training to be a Warrior. Not a fucking Guard.”
“And you will need both. Believe me.”
“What aren’t you telling me? Why is everything out of your mouth so fucking cryptic.” The storm of anger threatens to take over and lash out. That latent strand of Warrior power pulsing inside of me, clawing to be set loose.
“You have a Fifth in your training year. You will needallof your skills.” He doesn’t elaborate.
“Because you know what it’s like? Because you know who her parents were—her mother or father?” I push, railing at him to tell the truth. “Aurelia said it’s unusual to know more than one or two in a lifetime. There are none alive, so who was it she knew? Her Mother? Father? Should I be asking her who Ever’s parents are, as you seem incapable of telling the truth?”
“Stop chasing this, Aten,” he shouts, and I feel the ripple of strength emanating from him.
“Answer my fucking questions, and I won’t have to,” I yell back, taking that power he’s so keen that I use and pushing back with my mind, locking onto him.
Opening my senses, I feel for…
Secrets. Layers and layers of deception. Cold and calculating. And Fear.
It’s like I’ve tuned in to everything vibrating under the surface of him. There aren’t any images to accompany the feelings, like when I connected with Ever. But his emotions, his thoughts, are like a wall, a barrier, built into a physical defence. Under all that strength and power, all his knowledge and experience, it’s fear at the centre. Fear that’s built up the wall, I can feel.
The shock that my father is anything other than powerful causes my concentration to slip, and any sense of him falls away.
