Page 11 of Dead Calm
“Yes, sir,” Sean answered, sounding a bit snobby. “There is nothing wrong with breaking wind from time to time.” His hard façade cracked and the first mate began to giggle.
“Farts are fun! Farts are free! Farts are there for you and me!” Wolf called from the back of the group, before promptly tooting.
“EW!” Everly and Aurora ran toward the front of the group.
“Farts arenotfun,” Aurora said.
“Seriously,” Everly agreed. “Will we see dolphins today, Mr. Sean?”
“That’s a good question, sailor, let’s find out together.” Sean led the group to the ship.
Ronan could seeBreaking Windpainted on the boat’s ass, for lack of a better term. He could feel his control slipping away. One look at Jude confirmed he was thinking the same thing.
“Life jackets must be worn by everyone. Here are four for the bigger kids. I’ll have to go looking for one for this little cutie.” Sean pointed to Lizbet, who gave the stranger a bright smile and then blew a loud raspberry, which fit in perfectly with the theme of breaking wind.
“We brought LizzyB’s pool float. It’s got a life vest with an inner tube,” Jude said, holding up the device.
“Fwimming!” Lizbet said, running to Jude and slipping off her pink Croc’s.
“What do we do now?” Jude asked, as he helped Lizbet step into the contraption.
“If all else fails, we’ll splash her with a bottle of water,” Cope suggested.
When everyone was wearing their life jackets, they were allowed to board the vessel. “I’d like to welcome you all toBreaking Wind,” Sean said, throwing his arms wide. “Brandon and Karl are also mates on the ship.” He pointed to two similarly dressed men at the front of the boat. “She’s sixty feet long and her top sailing speed is a little over twenty miles an hour, which doesn’t sound like much, but I guarantee you’ll feel like you’re flying. There is a galley kitchen with snacks and a bathroom below deck. Does anyone have any questions before we get underway?”
Aurora raised her hand.
Sean pointed at her. “Ask away, sailor.”
“Are we gonna see any icebergs today? I don’t wanna sink like theTitanic! I’m too young and beautiful to die and I have adate next week with a cute boy from school. His name is Jack.” Aurora’s mouth dropped open in horror. “Oh, no!”
Ronan started singing the dramatic chorus of “My Heart Will Go On.”
“There aren’t any icebergs in the Atlantic Ocean this far south. I promise.” Sean smiled at Aurora. “Would you three like to help me cast off?”
“Sure!” Aurora agreed. Everly and Wolf nodded excitedly.
“Uh, Ronan?” Fitz said, wrapping his arm tightly around Ronan’s shoulder.
“Yeah, Fitzy?” Ronan was about to die. He hoped Everly would think twice about calling him a dumbass in his eulogy, although, if he were being honest with himself, the moniker was apt.
“I’m going to ask you a question and you’re going to tell me the truth, like a good boy, right?” Fitz’s grasp on his shoulder tightened.
“Right!” Ronan agreed easily.
“I promise you won’t be in trouble if you tell me the truth.” Fitz took a deep breath. He pinched the bridge of his nose, looking like he had a migraine coming on. “Where did Aurora seeTitanic?”
“Well,” Ronan began, more sure than ever he was about to swim with the fishes Don Corleone style.
Fitz grabbed Ronan by the front of his life jacket. Jude quickly stepped between them. “Calm down, Fitz. It was just a movie with only brief nudity.” Jude snorted when Fitzgibbon’s eyes narrowed.
“Briefnudity?” Fitz asked, looking like he had an entire speech lined up.
“Don’t tell me you haven’t seen that movie a bazillion times, Fitz!” Jude managed to yank Ronan away from their angry boss. “We all wanted Leonardo DiCaprio to bone us in the backseat of a classic car.”
Fitzgibbon rolled his eyes. “Maybe, butTitanicisn’t exactly the kind of movie seven year olds should be watching.”
“The kids barely moved for the entire three hours of the film. No one got up to go to the bathroom. No one asked for snacks. I had to pass out tissues at the end of the movie, but by that point, we were all crying.” Ronan grinned. “If you ever want to clean the house, make dinner without interruption or get down, throw on that movie!”
