Page 98 of Insolence
I’m expecting anger or an argument, but she only nods. “You’re right. I’ll go.” Her aura comes into sharp focus. Glowing a mournful blue, it outlines her entire body.
Huh. Wasn’t expecting that.Caught between curiosity and what probably amounts to sheer stupidity, I crack the door wider. “It’s all right. Need something to help you sleep? A tincture?”
“I’m not here for medicine.”
I gesture to my settee. She settles in. “How may I be of service?”
“How is your shoulder?”
“Feels great,” I deadpan, taking the chair opposite while it throbs.
“I couldn’t sleep until I told you.”
I scrub a hand over my face, not in the mood for guessing games. Or any games at all with her. “Told me what, Tiss?”
Her eyes meet mine, the red tinge obvious. “How sorry I am that I lost control of myself andstabbedyou. Forced you to give me answers. Hurt your lip and—Gods.” Her words drop to a whisper. “I really don’t know what happened in the greenhouse that day.”
That makes two of us.
“All I know is both times, it was as if I waspossessed.”
“Look,” I start and falter. “There’s something you need to realize. When you speak and act without regard for others, it puts energy into them that they didn’t ask for, don’t want, and certainly don’t need. It’s like spreading a disease, Tiss. Spreading poison. You can make yourself and other people ill, in a sense, when you fail to regulate your emotions.”
“I see that now. I’m mortified. You were right about everything.”
I’m not expecting that, either. “Well. Conversely, there’s a sort of peace in realizing you don’t have to voice every thought in your head or act on every impulse that grabs hold of you.”
She bursts into tears so abruptly and with so much force, I start. Despite myself, concern squeezes my heart.
“I-I think I did something terrible to Sadrie,” she mumbles through the tears, “but I’m not even surewhat. It’s… hard to explain. And I’m so mad at her about it. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, because I broke my vows and the rules.”
Oh, no.I already know what comes next. I lean forward, tempted to reach out and comfort her. But she asked me not to touch her, so instead I offer my handkerchief.
“I can’t sleep, and I haven’t been sleeping for most of this week, which means I need to tellsomeone. And it turns outapparently Idotrust you. Especially since I have nobody else to bother at the moment, so here I am,” she sniffles.
“You’re not in trouble with me, Tiss. And you’re hardly the first.”
“Really?”
“Are you kidding?” I snort. “Any given year half the acolytes are sleeping with each other. You can’t really put rules on nature. Youcanpunish people for being who they are, though. Obviously. But that’s just projecting your own fears onto others in the cruelest possible way.”
I listen while she tells me what happened between her and Sadrie in a tangled rush. Describes their argument the next day.
She bristles with frustration as she explains how Sadrie blamed her. Then shame pulses in her aura. “I don’t think she’s aware of my pheromones on a conscious level, but I know that’s what she was referring to. There’s nothing else it could be, right?”
Fuck.I don’t want to have to ask the next question. After she’s rammed four inches of steel into my shoulder, hating the idea ofherbeing in pain is ironic. But here I am.
“Did you tell her about them?”
“My pheromones? No.” A beat passes before her face crumbles. “Oh, gods. I should have. Iknewthey were affecting her. I-I didn’t mean—Shit.”
“Look at me, Tiss. What Sadrie did was wrong, pheromones or no. It doesn’t matter whether you told her or not. Stop means stop. Now,shouldyou have told her about them? Yes, probably. But that doesn’t change the fact that arousal isn’t consent. Onlyconsentis consent. It should be enthusiastic. It can be revoked at any time.”
She gives an enormous, shuddering breath. Blows her nose into my handkerchief. Thanks me with a nod.
“That being said, you areincrediblypowerful, Tiss. The power and strength you wield are unmatched in anyone I’ve ever met.”
She looks at me askance. Studies me before pulling the sleeve of her sweater up to reveal a linen bandage. It encases her right arm from wrist to elbow. “I wasn’t planning on mentioning this, but…” she begins to unwind it, revealing a tidy row of stitches covering an area about ten inches long on her outer forearm.
