Page 86 of Insolence
“Should I? Men don’t keep to one partner down there, in the city-states.” She shrugs. “We’ve got no obligation to their family lines anymore. Why shouldn’t we do the same?”
The residual knowledge is still with me, too, from before the ritual: the societal double standard that allows men of a certain status to court whomever they please. Meanwhile, their wives are expected to stay home, stay faithful, raise their children, and perpetuate the family line.
“You’ve been pulling away these past few weeks, songbird,” she says. “It seems like you’ve been preoccupied. Or maybe trying to hide how much you’ve been struggling. You’ve had a worse time of things than me or Cordelia.”
I bend my head. “I’m so sorry.”
“There’s nothing to apologize for.” Her fingers are sure and cool beneath my chin. She tilts my face up to meet the warmth of her gaze. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’m saying I know that temple life is sinking in now, and it’s perfectly fine if you need space to figure things out.”
I watch her wind a fresh bandage around my arm, my heart throbbing with gratitude.
“I hate that it’s been so difficult for you. I wish there was something I could do to make it easier.”
I shake my head, tears rising to the surface, threatening to break free. “Elodie’s keeping information from me. About things thataffectme. Doesn’t warrant how I treated her, but it’s exasperating nonetheless. The sisters and the prioress have been horrible for the most part. That dome is an absolute nightmare. I mean, we’retrappedin here. Doesn’t that bother you?”
“It should probably bother me a little bit more,” she shrugs. “The thing is, I trustmyself. I don’t know who I was beforethe temple. But for one reason or another, I decided to pledge myself to the goddess. And I trust Past Me to have made the right decision in that regard.”
I keep my mouth shut, not about to shatter her view of herself with what Elodie revealed this morning. At the same time, Sadrie’s point still stands. Apparently, Ididpledge myself willingly to Eisha.
But could it really be as simple as “good enough for Past Me is good enough for me now”? I want it to be—needit to be, which must count for something.
“Besides, we might have never met if not for the temple,” she says, the corners of her eyes crinkling.
That same gladness is buoyant in my chest. “That’s true,” I smile. “I’m so glad that I met you.”
“I’m incredibly happy to have metyou, songbird,” she beams back, making my pulse erratic. “Despite the fact that you’re a handful sometimes.
Can’t argue that logic. I laugh. “Do you know anything about your life before? Were you married?” I ask, suddenly realizing that I’ve seen her every day for nearly a month and don’t know the answer. “Right after the ritual, the sisters told me I was married. They never told me anything else, other than the fact that he died.”
“I was married too.” She fastens the end of my bandage at my forearm and begins packing away the med kit. “I haven’t the slightest idea whether he’s alive or dead. I’m assuming we were unhappy, which is why I came here in the first place.
“I don’t know if we had children, and I try not to think about it. Honestly, I’d rather remain ignorant. It’s… easier not knowing.” Med kit sorted, she picks up the used washcloths and deposits them with the rest of my dirty laundry.
We couldn’t be more different. I wish I didn’t want to know everything about who I used to be and why I supposedly camehere. How much easier would things be if I could let my curiosity go?
She moves the washstand away from the bed and sits down next to me, close enough that our outer thighs brush.
Every inch of me is aware of the contact. “Thank you for saying that. About Elodie.”
Her arm slides around my waist. “As long as I can still claim you for myself, Itissa.” Her husky murmur sends excitement surging down my spine. Her gaze moves over my lips and throat before traveling lower.
The monster inside of me stirs from slumber. I press my eyes shut, trying to block it out. “What time is it?”
“There’s plenty of time before lights out.” She gives me a firm squeeze, eliciting a gasp that catches in my throat.
She rises to her feet and turns, crawling onto my bed. “Come on, lie down with me a moment.”
I allow myself to be pulled backward. Adjusting ourselves on the tiny bed, she waits for me to get settled before laying her head on my shoulder.
Her next words are wistful. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“Of course.”
“I was often lonely before you got here, even though I had a lot of acquaintances.” She toys with the ruffles on the front of my shirt. “I can be a handful myself, and I know my sense of humor is a bit odd. Before the ceremony, I got the impression that the other girls had trouble relating to me at times. Other than Cordelia, I mean.”
“Sure,” I croak. Her soft body pressed against mine makes my heart leap. The place between my legs aches worse lying next to her than my brutalized arm ever could.
“We seem to fit each other so perfectly,” she sighs, sliding an arm carefully over me and pulling me close. “When I’m with you, I can be myself without worrying whether I’m saying or doingthe wrong thing. Being around you has been easy from the start. Natural.”
