Page 194 of Insolence
Her entire body lights up, her aura blazing with pure incandescence. My heart glows to match. Tucking her tight against me, I kiss the top of her head. Lift her hand to my mouth and kiss it too. Place it over my heart and hold it there.
Istop by Cordelia and Sadrie’s rooms after leaving Tiss. The former I arrange to meet up with in the Orrery Tower tomorrow so we can talk about demuns. Afterward, I’ll bring her down to the Sanctum.
She’ll be the only other acolyte to see it after Tiss, but with Maida’s permission, it’s time. Past time for me to start expanding my circle of trust. To open up to the select few whom I know are trustworthy. Even though it feels like stripping myself naked and walking through fire.
But if we’re going to get out of this gods’ forsaken place, it’s the only path forward.
I spoke to Sadrie about helping me and Maida with our plans. I didn’t go into great detail, only saying the bare minimum that would get my point across. She was receptive. Understood the risks involved. To my pleasant surprise, she also didn’t push me when I told her I couldn’t answer all of her questions just yet.
So that’s a start, on both counts.
Afterward, I bring a cup of hot tea into the flower greenhouse and sit. Simply enjoying Tiss’s roses.
She and I still have things to discuss. We haven’t yet talked about the fact that our bond—my enthrallment to her—severely limits my autonomy. I actuallycan’tstay mad at her.Can’thate her.Can’tleave her.
At times, like in this same greenhouse not so long ago, I literallycan’tresist her.
And I will always,alwayslove her and want her. Always forgive her, time and again. No matter what. Apparently.
She’s a creature of chaos and magic, and such is the nature of these things. We learned long ago that we don’t have a choice in our bond. But we can choose how to treat one another within the confines of it, and that’s what matters.
We had a system in place before. It worked well for us. I’m hopeful we can fall back into that a little easier now that things are transparent between us.
For the first time in I-don’t-know-how-fucking-long, dread doesn’t well up inside me when I think of the future.
Epilogue
El
Icheck on Tiss before heading to bed, a jar brimming with thousand-petal roses in hand.
As quietly as I can, I let myself into her rooms. She’s sleeping soundly, and I linger, watching her. Her breathing comes rhythmic and soft. Her fingers twitch. After setting the roses on her night table, the temptation to touch her is too great.
I can’t stop myself from brushing away a strand of hair that’s stuck to her bottom lip.
“Mmm…” she rouses slightly.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” I whisper, backing up. Guilt washes over me. “I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”
I’m backing away, trying not to make noise, when she rubs sleep from her eyes.
“I love you so much, El,” she whispers. “You know that, right?”
My heart explodes into a riot of glory. “Oh, Tiss. I love you too, sweetheart. So damn much.”
“I’m mad at you, though.” Her forehead puckers.
I freeze. “Well. It’s been an emotional day. You’ve every right to be. But we can talk things through more tomorrow. Try and get back to sleep now.”
The fire crackles in the other room. Something nags at me… Something intangible and bothersome.
Her eyes lock onto mine in the dim light. “Why am I mad at you, El?”
“You know why.” I tilt my head. “We had a long talk about it earlier. But I thought we worked things through.”
Her aura is neutral at the moment—invisible. Strange. Almost as unsettling as whatever’s nagging at me. “No. I don’t.” Her voice breaks, cracked with sleep. “Why don’t I know why I’m mad at you? I can’t… I can’t quite…”
And this is now officially concerning.
