Page 146 of Dare to Hold
His gaze hits me like a wave.
And he sees it.
He sees me.
My hand, still raised. My tears. My yes to Jesus.
And his face—oh, his face. I swear I see it—one tear, sliding slow down his cheek. He doesn’t wipe it away.
He just…watches me. Like the world stopped spinning and all he can do is stare.
My breath catches. My hand lowers, but it doesn’t matter. Because that moment—it’s etched into me.
He’s not proud of me because I chose him.
He’s proud because I chose Jesus.
And I’ve never felt more seen. More loved. More free.
Pastor Jack ends the sermon and the music begins as people around me stand to worship.
All I can feel is the warmth spreading through my chest and the truth settling deep in my bones.
This is the beginning.
And it’s real.
The final song ends and the sanctuary erupts into hushed chatter and the shuffle of feet. People are hugging, laughing, wiping tears. But I can’t move.
My chest is tight, like my heart is too full to contain it all. I just gave my life to Jesus.
And all I want, all I need—is to see him.
Gray.
It hits me like a tidal wave. The pull. The ache. The urgency in my chest that screams go to him. I don’t know if it’s the Spirit, adrenaline, or just everything inside of me that’s ever loved him rising up at once, but I can’t stay still.
“Ivy?” Harper touches my arm gently. “What’s wrong?”
“Ivy, what are you doing?” Olivia asks, her brows pinched as I start weaving through the row of people.
“I…I have to find him,” I breathe, already turning toward the side of the stage.
I ignore their voices as they call after me, the heel of my boots clicking too loud against the tile as I push through the side hallway. The backstage door is cracked, and I slip through it, the hum of post-service chatter echoing through the walls.
There they are—members of the worship team, still gathered, still glowing from the service. But no Gray.
Panic rises in my throat.
“Hey,” I call breathlessly, scanning their faces. “Have you seen Gray?”
One guy—Luke, I think his name is—blinks at me,startled. “He left quick. Right after the song. Didn’t even stay for the last prayer.”
My heart sinks. “Do you know where he went?”
Luke just shrugs, and I don’t wait for more.
I turn on my heel and sprint back toward the sanctuary, pushing through the side door into a blur of bodies. The crowd has thickened—families hugging, kids darting around legs, people moving in every direction.
