Page 36 of Victorious: Part 2
The guilt hits me like a physical blow. While I was sitting in that meeting talking about war strategies, my sister was dying and asking for me. “I’m here now,” I say, reaching out to pull Ingrid against my side. “We’re all here now.”
As we walk into the hospice, Louis babbling softly against my shoulder, I try to prepare myself for what I’m about to see.
Butnothingcould have prepared me for the reality of Bella’s condition.
She’s so much smaller than when I saw her last week. The motor neuron disease has ravaged her body, leaving her looking fragile and skeletal in the hospital bed. Her breathing is completely dependent on the machine that hisses and clicks rhythmically beside her. Her limbs lay motionless, her hands resting on the blankets as if they were mere scraps. When shesees us enter, her eyes light up. It’s the only part of her that can still express anything.
It’s as though she’s entombed in a shell, screaming to break free. No, more like a fucking coffin, trapping her inside, just waiting to die, and her body is the coffin that’s killing her. Even as her eyes continue to scream at me, telling me that my big sister is inside, desperately trying to claw her way out, there is no hope.
I know it.
She knows it.
And as my eyes meet hers, all I can do is comfort her, let her know I’m not going anywhere.
I’m here.
To the very end this time.
So, she can finally rest.
Letting out a long breath, I step closer. “Hey, beautiful,” I say softly, moving to her bedside. “I’m sorry I’m late.”
Bella’s eyes track to mine, and I see her trying to communicate something.
A nurse nearby notices our arrival and approaches. “She’s been more alert today, I think she’s been waiting for you,” the nurse explains quietly. “The disease has progressed to the point where Bella can’t move or speak anymore. She communicates only through eye movements. But she can still hear and understand everything you say.”
It kills me knowing inside she is aware of everything, it’s just her body has let her down.
Sitting in the chair beside her bed, I shift Louis so he can see his aunt. “Look, Bells, Louis got so big since last week. Tell her hi, buddy.”
Louis reaches out toward Bella, making his happy baby sounds, and her eyes fill with tears of joy, the only way she can show emotion.
Ingrid takes the chair on the other side of the bed, reaching out to gently stroke Bella’s arm. “I brought pictures from last weekend,” she says, pulling out her phone. “Remember when Louis figured out how to clap? Well, I got it on video.”
I fucking hate this.
Seeing my sister, the woman who was the best music producer in LA, reduced tothisis more than I can bear.
What a fucking waste.
I sit back, stewing in my own mental anguish, and over the next hour, we stay with Bella, showing her videos of Louis, telling her about our life, about the club, about everything and nothing. After that, she fights to stay alert, to absorb every moment with the only tools she has left—her eyes.
Around mid-afternoon, I hear the rumble of motorcycles outside, and Ingrid and I exchange glances.
“Expecting someone?” she asks.
Before I can answer, there’s a commotion in the hallway, and I recognize Hurricane’s voice trying to keep his volume down but not quite succeeding.
“Where the fuck is his room? Ma’am, we ain’t gonna cause trouble, we just need to find our brother.”
I can’t help but smile despite everything. “I’ll be right back,” I tell Ingrid before kissing Bella’s forehead.
Stepping into the hallway, I find Hurricane and Bayou standing there looking completely out of place in the sterile hospice environment. But what surprises me most is seeing Nash here, too, Ingrid’s biological son, who isn’t a part of the club.
“What the hell are you guys doing here?” I ask, though I’m honestly touched they came. “And Nash? Brother, you didn’t have to—”
Nash steps forward, his expression serious. “She’s my mom, South. Of course, I had to be here. And in some crazy way, you’rekind of my stepdad, even though we’re around the same age. We are family. And Bella’s family. We didn’t want you guys going through this on your own.”
