Page 133 of Flameborne: Chosen
Her eyes went round. “But—”
“But it makes no difference. We’ve been thrown together—and gladly. I want to see you succeed. I meant every word. But that doesn’t change the fact that, in no uncertain terms: wecan’t.”
She went very still, eyes locked with mine. She licked her lips because she was nervous and a twang of desire bolted through me.
Dammit.
“I need you to understand…” I cleared my throat. “I’m not angry with you. And I don’t belittle any of that. But, my life is not my own. I am a servant—and so are you. Our service is first to the crown and our dragons, then to each other. Assiblings.”My voice was ragged. “No matter what I might feel, I know that this…” I shook a finger between her and I. “It cannot be. I am deeply ashamed for… for causing confusion—”
“You didn’t—”
I cleared my throat again and looked down to get my words straight. “I mean now. Today. By not speaking with you or clarifying before I came to the squad. I thought it was better to pretend it hadn’t happened. To let you see that I could conduct myself as normal and without pressure for you. I was trying to build the bridge past any awkwardness, but I handled this poorly. I apologize for that.”
I met her eyes again and my chest squeezed at the intensity in her shining eyes. Yet, I grieved the fear that remained there. That shadow that had brought her to us believing herself worth so little.
“I won’t allow that confusion to occur again. You have my word. You are in good standing, Bren. You have great potential. Your slow start is only strengthening for the greater battle. Hear me: you are strong and capable, intelligent, and determined. Youwillbe a Furyknight,” I said hoarsely. “I say that with such confidence that I’m certain you no longer need my personal training. It’s your squad to whom you must prove yourself now, and they to you. That’s what I attempted to establish today. I assure you, that was my only intent.”
I took a deep breath and drank in the sight of her wide, shocked eyes, because I knew I couldn’t let myself have these moments with her alone anymore.
Even letting my thoughts brush up against those moments clutching her to me, riding together—my body responded. I cleared my throat. I couldn’t touch her again. Not and keep my honor.
“I’ll pray blessings on you every day,” I rasped. “But especially for your trials. I know you can do it, Bren. Don’t let yourself give up.”
Her eyes were wide and shocked, her lower jaw slack. And I wasso desperateto hear her say she returned my feeling, that I forced myself to turn on my heel and stalk out of the room before she could respond.
It wasn’t fleeing, I told myself as I marched quickly down the corridor outside. I was merely making certain that there could be no accusations of impropriety.
I couldn’t be alone with the female Flameborne in a quiet room.
Icouldn’t.
Whether we were discovered there or not.
I couldn’t allow her reputation to be tarnished. Or mine. I had to take a step back. She was cleared to fly now. Her brothers could help her with the rest. Theyneededto be the ones to help her.
A great weight settled on my shoulders when I thought of never being alone with her again, but I shook it off.
A good leader—a goodman—chose what was best for others over choosing for himself. He used his strength to bolster those that were weaker. That’s what I’d been doing, and now this was what Ineededto be for her.
This was for the best. I nodded to myself. If she was to have any chance at becoming a Furyknight, she had to rely entirely on her squad—and they on her. Stepping aside to let them all find their way together was for the best. For both of us.
I was sure of it.
So why did it feel like tearing my heart out of my chest?
37. The Whole Picture
~ BREN ~
A month after I was cleared to fly solo, I was finally allowed to face the first trial.
While it was still dark outside, I was bathed, dressed, and ready, tacking up Akhane in the dark with trembling hands before a meeting with Ronen.
I couldn’t decide whether I was more excited or scared.
‘I have to go talk to Ronen and get my assignment,’I told Akhane, laying a hand on her leg.‘I’m sorry I have to leave you in the harness.’
‘I’m not. I’ve waited for this day. We’ll do this, Little Flame. I cannot wait!’
