Page 132 of Flameborne: Chosen
There was a heavy sigh and all the tension went out of his body. “Bren—”
I jerked back from his extended hand. From hispity. I was coated in shame. “I won’t do it again. Not the going out or… or anything else. You don’t have to worry about me. I won’t putanyof you in this position again. You have my word,” I murmured, then prayed I could hold back the tears and not embarrass myself further.
~ DONAVYN ~
“Bren—”
But she ducked her head and shrank. Shaking, pale, green around the edges—she was clearly worse for the wear after last night. I’d thought this was the way to show her that I didn’t hold her solely responsible. I knew she needed to connect more with her squad. Andtheyknew they should have done better. The discipline was needed, dammit!
But I couldn’t shake that horror that I’d seen wash over her when I grew angry. All that fire she’d been showing just blown out like smoke on the wind. It reminded me of how she’d been that first day she’d arrived, so timid and uncertain of herself, expecting rejection.
“I won’t do it again,” she breathed as my heart sank. Ronen’s words echoed in my head,a kicked puppy.“Not the going out or… or anything else. You don’t have to worry about me. I won’t putanyof you in this position again. You have my word. May I go, Sir?”
I sighed. “Of course. But Bren—"
She bolted for the door and my heart tried to leap from my chest to go after her.
It was instinct to snap a hand out, to catch her wrist, to stop her—but when I did, she flinched.
I let her go quickly and raised my hands so she’d see that I wasn’t trying to hurt her. “I didn’t mean to scare you, but don’t leave. Not yet.”
She reluctantly turned to face me, but her head was down, eyes on the floor, her shoulders rounded. Outside in the hallway shouts and laughter echoed as Furyknights moved through the building. I cursed at the door her brothers had left open, then slipped past her quickly to close it. When the room was quiet again, I turned to face her, fighting the urge to touch her.
I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t risk it. Last night had been the most serious breach of conduct of my career and I was still trying to figure out how tohandle it. But I had to break through to her somehow. She was getting smaller, more fearful with every passing breath. I was terrified she’d shrink back into the timid, fearful woman she’d been when she arrived.
“Bren, look at me.”
Her throat bobbed, but she raised her head and her eyes slowly crept up to meet mine.
“Bren, I didn’t discipline them to punish you. For anything.”
She nodded, but she was just appeasing me. “I understand. Can I go now? Please,Sir?”
“I won’t force you to stay, but I hope you’ll listen: the dragon herds are so unified, it’s so important for us as Furyknights to find that same sense of camaraderie, to truly work together in all things, not just in battle and…”
She nodded, but her eyes were glazed.
Shit.
I cleared my throat. “I would have taken that action with any squad where one member was being held outside in any manner. This had nothing to do with last night,” I said uncomfortably.
She nodded again, but her eyes darted towards the door.
How do I help her?
“Bren—”
“Please,” she breathed, and a shiver rocked through her. “Please, just let me go. I’ll do better. Just… don’t make them angry with me again. I can’t… it won’t…” Her chin trembled and I felt like an ass.
Of course, she didn’t understand unity and the partnership needed in a squad—they hadn’t shown it to her yet. Now she thought she’d be punished bythem. But that wasn’t the way of the Furyknights.
I muttered a curse under my breath and prayed for the right words because I couldn’t touch her. That was just playing with fire—and would confuse her. I had to keep this professional. Had to make it clear to her. “I just want to be certain you can see that—”
“Please,Donavyn,” she said in a cracked whisper, and her eyes welled. But she blinked the tears back and forced herself to stand to attention, though her chin wobbled with every word. “I’m sorry. I was wrong last night. And I give you my word, I’ll tell themevery time.And I’ll do as Ronen says and I won’t go out without them. Just don’t make them pay for my misconduct. I never wanted to upset you or… I just misjudged—”
“No,”I muttered and she flinched. I sighed and swallowed back the dark tone, trying to force my voice to gentleness. “Bren, this isn’t punishment. You didn’t do anything wrong,” I admitted through my teeth.
Her brows pinched to a V and her eyes snapped to mine, confused. I swallowed hard and made myself tell her the truth. “You weren’t wrong. You didn’t misjudge. The… the feeling is there and you perceived that. That’s my fault. I’m sorry. I assure you that I take full responsibility for anything untoward.”
