Page 131 of Flameborne: Chosen
I blinked back the pinch of tears, and nodded quickly. “Yes. Yes, of course. Sir. I’m sorry,” I breathed. Then I met Ronen’s eyes and begged him to forgive me, and with every word I prayed he understood how horrified I was by this entire exchange.
When we’d bumped fists, Ronen relaxed. He patted my shoulder and gave me a small smile. “Don’t worry. They’ll get over it,” he said quietly, before turning on his heel, saluting Donavyn, and trotting for the door.
I was left standing there, mortified and hurt and angry and embarrassed, staring at the door where they’d all left and would spend most of the day together, talking about this without me.
“You did well picking up on the need to—”
I turned on Donavyn, gaping and furious. “You didn’t have to do that to them!”
“Yes, I did,” he muttered.
“No, you didn’t!” I was so upset, I forgot my embarrassment as I strode towards him. “I know I was wrong last night, but that doesn’t mean you can destroy the only good thing I have left.”
His head jerked back, and his formal, steely exterior flickered. “The only good thing, Bren?”
“They’re all angry now!” I hissed. “They’ve lost their trust. They think I’ll—”
“They lost trust becauseyoudon’t trustthem.That hurt them, Bren. They thought you understood. Last night it became clear to me that they’ve still left far too much unsaid with you. Trust me, they’ll still want to help you, just like I do.”
My jaw dropped. “I don’t want your help if you’re going to punish my whole squad for the thingIdid wrong! You didn’t have to embarrass them and make them all angry, You could have just corrected me and I would have taken it!”
“Ididcorrect you,” he growled. Then his expression went flat and he lowered his voice. “My conduct in the aftermath undermined my authority towards you last night, and I’m very sorry for that. There was no excuse. I assure you it won’t happen again. But make no mistake: my discipline of the others has nothing to do with anything that may or may not have happened between you and I. You need to learn to let your squad help you,and they need to learn to better watch out for you—and each other. Do you want to reach the trials or not?”
“Of course I do! But if you’re serious about helping, making my squad angry with me isn’t the way to improve that!”
“Squad unity is paramount,” he said in that strained, formal tone that I hated. “And an additional challenge for you because you don't bunk with the men, so you lose the natural intimacy of off-work proximity. Last night I learned that you’re alone so much, you still haven’t understood what it’s truly like to be a part of a squad.Theyhave failed you in that. They should have been working on it before now. I reprimanded them because they failed you. And they didn’t argue, because they know it.”
“They didn’t argue because you’re the fucking Commander and what you say, goes!”
“Perhaps you should trust their judgment enough to follow the example, then,” he growled.
I reeled. Heart racing, head spinning. He would make my brothers lose their patience with me! And after last night, if they didn’t help me with the training, I wasn’t going to make to the trials—and he knew that! He fucking knew that, and he still did this!
“You want me to fail,” I breathed.
“Excuse me?!” True anger flared in his eyes.
My brothers were flying today. They’d talk to each other, realize that I’d spoken to him about them, and that’s why he did this. What if they thought I tried to get them in trouble?
I couldn’t breathe. “Stop blaming them for my failings! It’s not their fault!”
“I’m not. They were supposed to show you—” he snapped.
“I’m the one who went out alone, they didn’t even know!”
“Precisely my point!” That edge of anger in his tone grew sharper and his eyes blazed. “Yesterday should have been a celebration with your own squad—if they had to patrol, they could have made arrangements with you for later when they returned. Instead I find you out with another squad who could have doneanythingand wouldn’t have been stopped until it was too late because not evenIknew where you were!” he snarled. I tensed as he took the two steps to close the gap leaning over me, eyes blazing. “They were right to ask your forgiveness. They will learn the lesson—now it’s time for you to do the same!” he barked, right in my face.
I shuddered and suddenly it was all too much.
His anger. My brother’s upset. My embarrassment… it all twisted together in my chest and I shrank.
He was right.
They were all right. Right to be angry. Right to be sick of me. Right to be impatient.
I had taken every step in this path wrongly and now they would turn their backs. And I couldn’t blame them.
Realizing I’d been glaring at Donavyn like he answered to me, I dropped my eyes, lowered my chin, and submitted. “I’m sorry,” I breathed. “I didn’t see it. I’m sorry.”
