Page 74 of Best Man
He gestures to my seat and I slump into it. “I think he saw me and Patrick kissing.”
“What?” The two of them shout it in unison and then very obviously avoid looking at each other. Well, Felix does. Max does what he does normally. He stares at Felix hungrily.
“He saw Patrick kiss me,” I correct. “I shoved him off as soon as he landed on my lips, but I think it’s given Jesse the wrong idea.”
“Probably exacerbated by the fact that you’re still keeping him at arm’s length,” Felix observes.
“I’m not,” I say. Then I slump further. “Okay, maybe I am a bit. I can’t help it. I think I’m still waiting for the other shoe to drop.” I bury my head in my hands. “He asked me not to go, and I didn’t listen. He said Patrick was up to something and asked me to go home with him instead.”
“What?” Max says. “Why would you ignore his request?”
Felix stirs as if he’s definitely wanting to say something, but he restrains himself and focuses his attention on me which always makes me a bit nervous.
I shrug. “Because if I’m not the man who keeps his word and his promises, then who am I?”
“A human being,” Max says angrily. “And a bloody fine one too. Zeb, your dad broke every promise, and mostly everything he said turned out to be a lie. But that doesn’t mean you have to keep every one of yours either. That makes you as stupid as he was.”
I gape at him. “What?”
Felix shrugs. “Much as it burns with the force of twenty thousand suns to have to admit this, he’s right.”
“Hang on,” Max says. “Let’s just pause the conversation while I savour that.”
“And you’re back to being a dickhead.” Felix turns back to me. “The trouble with you is that you’re looking for structure with love.”
“Is that my only problem? It sounds quite painful.”
“If we don’t focus on just the one, we’ll be here all year.” Max snorts and a smile tickles the corners of Felix’s mouth. “You’re looking for things that can’t be there with real love. There aren’t any rules in it.”
“What about fidelity?”
“That’s apromise,not a rule,” he says. “And promises depend on both people in the equation.”
There’s a very strained silence, and Max is now doing the very opposite of looking at Felix.
“I feel like a whirlwind picked me up and shoved me through a steel fence headfirst and then rammed me into a cow pat next to a rose bush,” I say sadly. Max and Felix blink. “It’s too soon for me to have f-feelings,” I finally say. “I don’t think it’s right to feel like this so soon.”
“Like what?” Max asks.
“Like there aren’t any rules.” I pause. “And that I quite like it like that,” I finish reluctantly. “Even though it makes me feel like I’m upside down on a very rickety and not properly policed fairground ride.”
Felix laughs and shakes his head. “There aren’t any rules for it. That’s thepoint. It has to be taken on trust because sometimes in your relationship that trust will be all you have to keep going.” He shrugs. “There’s no billeted list to check things off. It just happens. You have strong feelings for the person, you don’t want to be away from them, you smile when you think of them. And away you go.” He makes a flapping gesture with his hands.
“Surely that’s infatuation?”
“Call it what you like, Zebadiah, but eventually you’ll let it be love.”
“Let it?”
He smiles affectionately at me. “I’ve always liked you, but God, you’re an idiot.”
“An idiot boss, I think you meant to say in a hyper-polite voice,” I say faintly.
Felix carries on remorselessly. “An idiot who’d put the army to shame. You analysed and strategized and overthought everything and pottered along thinking that you had complete control. Then bam!” I jump, and he grins mischievously. “It hit you right between the bloody eyes. Jesse is perfect for you. Yes, he’s younger than you, but you need that. He’s funny and charming and impulsive, and he’s stopping your slow roll into the grave through fear of feeling out of control. And you’ve let him in. You just haven’t realized it yet.” He rolls his eyes in quite a condemning manner.
“He’s right,” Max says somewhat piously. “You should listen to him.”
“Ha!” Felix says.
