Page 94 of After Felix
“You and your little facts,” he says, and the tenderness and joy are ripe in his voice.
“You just want to see my penis again,” I say softly, harking back to the Cotswolds.
He shakes his head. “I’d prefer to see your heart.”
I groan. “What am I going to do with you, Max? That was unforgivably cheesy.”
“Never leave me?” he suggests, no teasing at all in his tone. “That would be a start.”
“A start to what?”
“Forever, Felix.”
I take a deep breath. “I think I can manage that,” I say hoarsely.
“Say it again,” he demands.
I obey, and he suddenly laughs and seizes me. “And again and again and again, darling.”
“Don’t call me darling,” I say automatically.
“I shall every day from now on.”
“Even though when I’m nervous I spout stupid facts?”
“Yes, because I’ve had long years without them and now I have you back. I can’t believe I’ve really got you back,” he says wonderingly.
I nod. “You could divide your time as Before Felix and After Felix.” I pause. “Although that makes me sound a bit like Jesus, and I’m really not good-natured enough to take his role. And I can’t grow a beard to save my life.”
“I think his hirsute place is secure for now,” he says solemnly. He smiles tenderly. “You couldn’t divide my life like that because there isnoAfter Felix for me. This is it. You’ve spoilt me for all other men. My tastes have narrowed to thin men with a mess of hair and a tongue sharper than a knife.”
My heart is pounding so hard I can hear it in my ears. “That is rather specific,” I say faintly. “You’re narrowing the field a lot with that criteria.”
There’s a silence, and he suppresses a smile and pinches me gently. “Well?”
“What? Oh yes, it’s mutual,” I say awkwardly.
“Youlike thin, sassy men too? What anamazingcoincidence.”
“You’re such a prat. No.” I swallow hard and finally throw all my concerns away. It feels fucking fantastic. “I like big, charismatic men who make me laugh, infuriate me, and make me feel incredibly safe.”
He swallows hard. “Really? I make you feel safe? I didn’t think that would ever happen again.” He grabs me in a huge hug, and I inhale the scent of sandalwood and feel the strength of the arms holding me. It seems like my whole world is resting against me in the form of my Max. “I didn’t think that would happen again,” he whispers.
I feel moisture on my neck. I reach up and wind my arms around him and kiss the side of his head, rubbing my face in the black silk of his hair.
He pulls back, his eyes shiny. “I won’t disappoint youeveragain,” he says fervently.
I smile. “I’m sure you will. We’ll disappoint each other.”
“Not like last time,” he says fiercely. “I will nevereverlet you feel anything but first place in my life again because that’s what you are. You’re fierce and sharp and funny, but underneath, there’s this wonderful softness and a deep loyalty. I know now how much of a privilege it is to have that directed at me, and I promise you I will always protect it. Because I know what it feels like to have been without you, and it was fucking horrible. I missed you every single fucking day.”
I stare at him. “I love you,” I finally say.
He inhales sharply. “Really?” There’s a wealth of emotions in his voice—relief, jubilation, astonishment. And I know what he’s going to say before he says it. It’s written all over that wonderful high-boned, naughty face of his.
“I love you too, Felix. So fucking much. I’ll love you until the day I die.”
And then he kisses me. On Vauxhall Bridge in front of the world. Or at least five nosy pedestrians. And I kiss him back. This big, warm man who makes me feel safe and melts all the icy corners of my heart. And I know with a sudden deep certainty that this is it for us. This time we’re going to make it work because this time we’re coming into it with our eyesandour hearts open.
