Page 11 of After Felix
“Not enough excitement at dog shows and talent competitions?”
He steps out of the shower and takes the towel that I hold up for him. “I fancy something different, but I’m not sure what. So, until I decide, I’m going to hang out in expensive hotel rooms and pick up men in bookshops.”
“Find a cheaper hobby,” I advise. I consider him for a few moments. “Why don’t you write a crime novel?”
“What?” He looks startled.
“You were so disturbingly emphatic about your ability to commit the perfect crime, so put your money where your mouth is and write that.”
His mouth drops open in surprise. “I’ve never considered that.”
“Just a thought. This way, you can actually use your casual hobby of dreaming up horrific murders.”
He leans against the counter, watching me as I pick up a tube and squeeze it.
“What are you doing?” he asks, a thread of laughter running through his voice.
“Applying a face mask to keep my youthful complexion.” I look down at the packaging. “It protects against the toxins of modern life.”
“Not sure they’ll help againstThe Sunand Piers Morgan.”
I laugh, and silence falls for a long second as I apply the mask. Then he shifts position. “I’ve been thinking,” he announces.
“Somehow, I know that means trouble.”
“You wouldn’t be wrong.” He pauses. “No, it’s just that I reallyenjoy your company. You make me laugh, and you’re an excellent shag.”
“You sound like you’re considering adding that to my CV.”
“Would it help?”
“It would really open up the job market for me.” I eye him, my heart picking up to a panicky pace. “What are you saying here, Max?”
He gives an awkward shrug. “I just thought that maybe we could do this a bit more.”
I stare at him, flabbergasted.
He rushes to explain. “Not in a seeing each other type of situation. God, no. I absolutely don’teverwant that. It’s more of a meeting up if we ever fancy a shag with no strings at all.”
I relax immediately but then pin a sombre look on my face. “Well, that’s rather hurtful, Max.”
“What?” He looks slightly worried, and I’m now thoroughly enjoying myself.
“Yes, I thought we really had something together,” I say mournfully. “It felt deep and meaningful to me. Like I’d found my soulmate against all the odds. And yet all my soulmate is actually offering is a shoddy attempt at getting himself a casual shag whenever his balls are full.”
There’s a horrified pause, and then he throws his head back and laughs. “Shit, you had me for a second.”
I grin at him. “You’re too easy. Which is patently obvious after your request.” He snorts, and I shake my head. “Sounds fine to me.”
“Does it?”
“Of course. Why wouldn’t it?”
“Well, I don’t know. I’d have thought you’d have been looking for a relationship at your age.”
“I’m sure that’s what all the young bucks were doing in your day, Grandpa,” I say, and he shoves me. “But I definitely don’t want a relationship. I think I’m actually allergic to the word.”
“Well, no need to keep any antihistamine in stock on my account.” He looks serious suddenly. “I just don’t need any feelings developing, Felix. I’ll never be about that, and you’re young enough to change your mind.”
