Page 64 of Charlie Sunshine
She shakes her head as she gets up to switch on the kettle. “Has he contacted you?” she asks, turning back to me.
I twirl a piece of my hair around one finger. “No,” I say softly. “I’ve fucked up this time big style, Bethany.”
She steps closer and strokes her hand over my hair. “Yes, you have,” she says simply. I look up in protest, and she raises one eyebrow. “You’ve fucked up massively. It’s not okay to leave a one-night stand without saying goodbye, let alone your best friend of twenty years.”
I scrub my hand down my face. “I know,” I say, my voice muffled. “I don’t know what I was thinking. It was such a shitty thing to do.”
“I think possibly the problem might be that you’re in some strange sort of no-man’s-land in this relationship. It’s a huge change.”
“Massive.” I take the tea she hands me. “I’m not sure I was thinking straight this morning.”
“After seeing the two of you on the dance floor last night, I’d say there was nothing straight about your thinking.”
“What should I do, Bethany?”
“Have you messaged him?”
“About thirty times,” I admit. “I deleted all of them apart from one.”
“And what did that say?”
“We need to talk.”
“Well, I’m glad you kept the wordy one.”
I snort. “Stop taking the piss and tell me how to make this right.”
“Well, that depends on what you want, Charlie.” She smiles kindly. “Do you want to go back to the norm and just be friends, or do you want more?”
I stare unseeingly ahead, considering her words. I remember how Misha curled around me last night, his head on my shoulder, his scent all over me. I think of the intense warmth and comfort I’d felt. The sex had been the best ever, accompanied by a deep sense of rightness, as if everything in my life had suddenly clicked into place.
“I think I want more,” I finally say.
“So why the hesitation if it was so good?”
“Because this is Misha. Carefree man-whore Misha who avoids commitment like it’s the Black Death. The person who’s always been just my best friend. It’s like he’s been wearing a mask for years, and he took it off last night, and it’s bloody freaking me out.”
“But you still want more?” She smiles when I nod. “Good. I’m glad. You two go together like sausages and gravy.”
I grimace. “I can think of more romantic pairings.”
“Yes, but do they fuck off and leave their bed partners alone without a word?” she says sweetly. I glare at her, and she claps. “When it’s right, it’s right.”
“You should write the messages in greeting cards.”
“It would certainly pay more than library work. I’ve got one. How about ‘Oh, Misha, you make sweet music in my soul, but beware because I’ll cut up your heart and keep it in a bowl.’”
“A bit too graphic for Hallmark, and why would I put a bodily organ in a bowl? It’s not sanitary at all,” I sniff.
She sits back and regards me steadily. “You need to tell him all this. Tell him that you freaked out. He’s in the same position as you. I bet he did his own freaking out.”
“Really?” Misha always seems so cool with everything. I gesture to my phone, suddenly and overwhelmingly desperate to hear his voice. “Give me my phone.”
“Why?”
“Because I need to talk to him now. What if I’ve hurt him?” I pause. “Oh my God, Bethany, what if itwasa mistake for him and he’s avoiding me? Now, when I’ve realised that I want more? He’s probably out at a club right now fucking someone to get the taste of me out of his mouth.”
“I think that might be information overload.” I glare at her, and shesmiles. “It’s also only four in the afternoon, Charlie. He’s not that debauched despite giving it a good try over the years. He’s still at work where apparently he has pissed everyone off by being a completely surly dickhead for the entire day.”
