Page 55 of Charlie Sunshine
I shrug and take the bottle from him. “You’d be surprised.”
He shakes his head. “People are cocks, aren’t they?”
“What are you talking about?” Misha asks in rather a rude tone of voice.
Doug grins wickedly. “I was just saying to Charlie here that it isn’t a problem for me if he doesn’t drink. I mean, what I most want is to walk through life with a man at my side whose eyes aren’t blurred by drink.”
“How about narcotics?” Misha’s tone is deadly sincere. “Do you have any objection to a serious narcotics problem?”
“Misha Lebedinsky,” I gasp. “I haven’t got one of those either.”
“Maybe you should develop one,” he mutters. “If this goes any further, you might need it.”
“Ignore him,” I say to Doug, who seems to be fighting a smile. “Tell me about yourself.”
“Ohme,” he sniffs dramatically. “I’m not the important one here.”
“You’re not?” I say nervously. He shakes his head, and I search for conversation. “But you’re a teacher, aren’t you? That’s such a lovely job.”
“Ateacher.” He waves his hand dismissively. “We’re ten a penny. Now, librarians are another matter. This world needs more librarians.”
“Oh, I wish you ran the council,” I say faintly.
He nods happily, and Rupert sighs and swipes his hand over his eyes. “Doug,” he says imploringly.
Doug ignores him and takes my arm. “Librarians are important,” he says emphatically. “They are the guardians of knowledge. The champions of the information highway. The gatekeepers of facts.”
“He works at a library in Southwark, not guarding the Tower of Sauron,” Misha breaks in.
“Shut up, Misha,” I say sweetly. “Doug is talking.”
“He’s talking wank,” he mutters.
Doug makes a choked sound, and I helpfully pat him on the back. He’s sweet if a bit intense.
“Just ignore Misha,” I advise him. “If it doesn’t feature on the Dow Jones index, it’s not happening.”
“How can I ignore someone who arranged for me to meet my prince?” Doug asks earnestly. “The man who may have changed my world tonight. Misha will be forever a friend of mine because of that.”
“Erm.” It’s the most intelligent syllable I can come up with.
Bethany is coughing behind her hand.Is everyone coming down with a cold?
“Thank you,” I finally say because absolutely nothing else is coming to mind.
Chaka Khan’s “Ain’t Nobody” begins playing down on the dancefloor, and I seize on the diversion. “Ilovethis song,” I exclaim. “Misha and I always dance to this when we come here. Do you like music?” I ask Doug.
He looks soulfully at me. “Your voice is like music to my ears.”
“Doug, can I have a word?” Rupert shouts.
I’m looking around surreptitiously for any hidden cameras, when I’m caught by Doug’s limpid gaze. “Rupert is trying to get your attention,”I tell him. Rupert’s arms are windmilling about. “Rather enthusiastically too.”
He smirks. “Oh, I don’t have eyes for anyone other than you, you beautiful man.”
“Oh my God,” I say faintly.
Misha asks, “Have you been reading rather a lot of Mills and Boon lately, Doug? I don’t remember you being quite so flowery before.”
