Page 20 of Charlie Sunshine
“No,” she says, slinging herself into the chair and giving me a look that suggests I am the stupidest person in the world. “Why?”
“Because you’re huffing so hard it sounds like you need an inhaler.”
“Misha,” she whines. “Do we have to do this?”
I lean back and cross my arms. “Well, no. We can totally leave off the discussion of your health and focus on the topic of railing bondage at senior school. In fact, let’s have a debate about that. What are your views, Anya?”
“No, I don’t need an inhaler,” she says quickly, and I can’t entirely hide my smile. She’s always amused me even though at times I’d like to lock her in her room for the rest of her life and board up the windows. My mum insists it’s because we’re both headstrong and very similar, but I’m nothing like this spawn of Satan.
“Nice try,” I say. I tap the table consideringly and then push the toy towards her. “Meeting is called to order. The floor is yours, Anya. Let us sit and play soft music and discuss the ins and outs of handcuffing yourself to railings.”
She glares at me. “It wastotallyjustified.”
I groan. “That invariably means it wasn’t.”
“Misha, you don’t understand,” she says passionately. “Your generation have fucked up the world, and now it’s our turn to fight for what’s right.”
“Mygeneration. I’m twenty-seven. My fossil fuel days are still a ways ahead of me. I haven’t finished being flippant about alcohol consumption yet.”
“Mum, Misha is being sarcastic,” Anya immediately says.
“Mum, Anya is being belligerent,” I counter.
Charlie snorts, and I shake my head to clear it of childish retorts. “So, how many other people got suspended with you, Anya? Please tell me it was your entire school year.” She mumbles something and I put my hand to my ear. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you said it was just you and Laura Saunders. Where were all the other eco warriors?”
“It was drama class,” she says sulkily. “And they were casting for the end-of-year play.”
“Well, what about Laura Saunders? Doesn’t she do drama?” my mum asks.
“She had PE but she’s on her period and didn’t want to go swimming.”
“Oh, the young and their social conscience,” I mutter.
Anya throws her hands up. “I knewyouwouldn’t understand. It’s such a shame that you’re not like Charlie.”
My mum sighs almost mournfully, and I narrow my eyes at her. “Wait. Are youagreeingwith her?”
“Not at all,” my mum says quickly and entirely unconvincingly. I stare at her and she folds. “Charlie is lovely though. You have to admit it. And you’re very sardonic at the best of times.”
I shoot Charlie a look and he winks cheekily which makes me smile even though I don’t want to.
I turn back to the table to find all three of them smiling at me. “What?” I say defensively.
“Nothing,” Teddy says and they all nod as if they’re synchronising themselves for the idiot Olympics.
I knock on the table. “So, you’re suspended for two days. How lovely, Anya. What will you do with yourself? Maybe you could go and harvest some rare owl semen to save them from extinction or, I don’t know, maybe do your homework.”
She huffs. “Of course you’d mention homework. That’s all you think about.”
“Well, I certainly hope you’re not thinking that you’re going to enjoy yourself,” my mum says. “Not while you’re suspended. When you’ve finished your homework, you can help me around the house and cook dinner.”
“Thereby ensuring that nobody else enjoys themselves either,” I say. “Even homework looks attractive next to Anya’s cooking.”
Teddy winces at the thought, but Anya ignores my jibe.
“Homework’s not important when the world is being starved, Misha.”
“Well, it’ll be a bit important if you’re the one who’s going to starve because you didn’t get your GCSEs,” I say mildly. “But then you won’t be able to cook much if you’re going to spend your days handcuffing yourself to other people’s property.” I pause. “Hang on,” I say slowly. “Where did you get the handcuffs from anyway?”
