Page 15 of Absolutely Pucked
But there was nothing.
Like I’d said before, I hadn’t earned even a scrap of happiness, and there was a damn long way for me to go until I did.
Taking the stairs down two at a time, I made my way to the bar and saw the bartender leaning against the counter. They met my gaze, and a single brow lifted.
“Is this a quiet escape, or did you two need anything else?”
The tips of my ears burned hotly with my shame, but I had to do this. It was better for Ford if I did. He’d never forgive me if he found out who I was, but worse, he’d never forgive himself, and I was not going to lay that guilt on his shoulders.
“Is there anything I need to do to settle the tab?”
The bartender looked me up and down, then sighedand reached into their pocket and pulled out a small stack of cash. “You’re not sticking around, are you?”
I blinked at them. “Um. No.”
They slid the cash toward me, and I couldn’t help but stare at it like it was venomous and poised to strike. “Take it,” they said after a long beat.
“Uh, yeah. No. I can’t do that.”
They pushed the cash closer until it touched my elbow. “I’ve been where you are. I was raised by my granny, and when I came out as trans, she booted my ass to the curb. I was sixteen. It took me years to get on my feet.”
“That doesn’t mean you should help me.”
They took me in, a slow up-and-down gaze that felt almost physical. “I think that’s exactly what it means. You have some idea of where you’re going?”
I stared at the cash, and my stomach twisted. It was enough for gas and some food to get me a few hundred miles north. I had a friend—not a good friend, but one of the few willing to take me in until I figured out what the fuck I was doing.
“I’m going to come pay you back,” I told them.
They laughed and rolled their eyes. “Maybe you will. Maybe I’ll never see you again.” They went quiet, not watching as I slipped the twenties into my pocket with a shaking hand. “What do you want me to tell that pretty boy when he comes downstairs asking for you?”
My heart ached, and I shook my head. “He’s not going to ask for me.”
Their head cocked to the side. “Hmm. You’ll be back.”
I would do my best to get them the cash the momentI had some, but I was envisioning a stamped envelope with a thank-you card. I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to show my face around here again. “Thanks for the help. It…yeah. It means a lot. Um…”
“You don’t have to say anything else, honey. I get it. It took me years, but I have all this now. And a family.” They set both hands on the bar and met my gaze. “You’ll get there. No matter what your sins are.”
They had no idea, but as much as I probably deserved the punishment by telling them the sort of man Ihadbeen, I knew I couldn’t take it. I was flayed raw and exhausted. As selfish as it was, I just wanted a little peace.
“Thank you.”
They smiled at me and winked before turning back, and the moment was broken. Orders began to print from their little register, and I suddenly felt like a ghost. It was better that way. I was sated now, full in more ways than one, and ready to do something to get my life back from the clawed hands of the one person who was supposed to love me until death parted us.
“Yo, Killian. Where are you right now?”
I hadn’t talked to Damir in years. We exchanged emails since we practiced the same type of law, and he’d always been smarter than me. But he wasn’t the sort of friend I stayed close to. I hadn’t even invited himto the wedding, so the idea that he was offering me a place to stay was kind of a miracle.
“I’m still in Turenne.” I was in a hotel parking lot a block away from my brother’s place, sitting in the driver’s seat with my hands on the wheel.
“You hitting the road?”
I sighed and looked at the clock. I knew I should. “I’m gonna grab a bite and then take off. I won’t get in until late.” It was about a five-hour drive to Manhattan if the traffic was cooperative, which it should be after midnight. Getting in at ass o’clock would be my only saving grace, having to drive in that city.
“There’s a parking garage to the right of my building. You can store the car there and let it charge my account. Just put in my door number. I’ll text you the door code so you don’t have to wake me up. There’s one for the building and one for my door lock.” He sounded tired, and I didn’t blame him. He was losing sleep because of me. “There’s sheets and a pillow on the couch. I’ll try not to wake you when I leave in the morning.”
I felt a little gutted that I was going to wake up in his place entirely alone, but it wasn’t fair of me to ask him to take time off. Him giving me this was enough. “Thanks, man. I’ll get you back as soon as I get the chance.”
