Page 99 of Absolutely Pucked
“Yeah,” Tucker said, his laugh a little raspy. “I get it.”
“It didn’t happen while you were in the hospital,” I told him. “I swear. I…I would have never—no matter how angry or hurt I was at what you’d said or done. It wasn’t until after you kicked me out and refused to see me again that I even spoke to her about being more than friends.”
He closed his eyes and bowed his head. “I don’t know if I want to know this.”
“Okay.” I put my hands up in surrender, even though he wasn’t looking at me.
His hands twisted in his lap. “I was able to live with myself and the things I’d done when we were younger because I thought I had the moral high ground after the accident. I was a bully, sure, but you stole my fiancée from me right after I lost my legs and most of my sight.”
At that, I laughed. “Dude, you still have that high ground. She was off-limits, and I knew that, but I was so hurt and so scared about what was going to happen in the future that I just…I lost who I was for a while. And by the time I found it again, it was too late. I thought the bachelor party…” I stopped.
He finally looked up at me again. “What?”
“I thought maybe I could fix it. I was ready to run. If you so much as said the word that we could have fixed us, I would have left her then and there. I thought maybe that’s why you came. But you were so angry at me still.”
“Dude. You brought a bunch of douchey frat boys who hated my guts!”
Fuck. He was right though. “They were the only people who still talked to me,” I said weakly. “I don’t have friends, Tucker. I didn’t want to be alone.”
His face shuttered, and he bowed his head again. “I didn’t know. But I don’t know if I would have been ready to believe you right then. I think I needed to find Amedeo first.”
I understood that. I really did. Lifting my hand, I hesitated, then reached for my phone. “Look, I have a file with all the stuff the PI sent me if you want proof. If you need?—”
“No.” His voice sounded rough. He looked up again. “God, no. I believe you. I don’t need to see any of that for myself. I don’t think it’ll help.”
I set my phone down again. Part of me was afraid to trust him. Part of me thought that if he didn’t see the hard evidence, he’d go back to believing that I had been some monster waiting in the shadows, swooping in to steal his happiness the moment he was vulnerable.
Then he reached for me. He missed the first time, but the second time, he grabbed my wrist and held tightly. It didn’t last forever. It didn’t last more than afew seconds, but it was something. He was crossing a divide.
“Why?” I asked him softly.
“Why what?”
“Why change your mind after all this time? I know it’s not because you wanted to believe me.” Or forgive me, but I was too afraid to use that word. I didn’t think I could bear it if he told me forgiveness—actual forgiveness—was never on the table.
He took a moment, then shrugged and said, “Mostly, it was Ford. Him falling in love with you the way he did. He’s kind of my moral compass. Bodie and I are kind of…we’re…” He grimaced. “We’re not the nicest people in the world. Ford’s been through more shit than anyone rightfully should, and somehow, he always sees the best in people. He put me and Bodie back together after the Paralympic fiasco. He made us believe that we were worthy of as many chances as we needed to become better people. He’s the reason I didn’t stay a monster, because after the accident, it was a close call. I knew the kind of person I was capable of becoming. Ford pulled me out of that.”
I couldn’t help a small smile. “Yeah. I think I understand.”
“I know you do. It’s annoying,” he said, but he was smiling now. His smile faded just a bit when he finally looked up at my face. “The morning you called—when everything came out—after you left, I was ready to lose it. I wasn’t…” He shrugged and sighed loudly. “I was pissed at you for existing, and I was pissed at Ford for lying to me. But I was really pissed at you both for not seeing that I wasn’t some terrible person who would have laughed at you living in your car.”
“Well—”
“No,” Tucker said. “Just…just fucking shut up and listen, okay?”
I nodded, a little stung, but I was willing to do anything if it meant trying to heal this rift.
“After you left, Boden literally dragged me outside and reminded me that I haven’t given you a lot of reason over the years to know that I wouldn’t be the man you thought I would be. And he reminded me that after everything Ford’s family had put him through, he’s still afraid he’s not worth sticking around for. So why wouldn’t he believe I would jump ship the moment he gave me a reason to.”
“Have you two never fought?” I asked softly.
Tucker looked like he wanted to cry. “No. We haven’t. Not really, and it took all this to understand why. God, a while ago, he went off on Boden. I mean, he fucking let him have it. Boden was acting like an ass because he was hiding his whole thing with Hugo, and Ford snapped. Bodie doesn’t know this, but after that, Ford came to my house and cried so hard he threw up.”
My heart felt like it was breaking. Fuck, I wanted him home right then so I could wrap him in my arms and swear he would never have to feel like that again.
“He thought Boden was going to hate him forever.” Tucker gave me a soft smile. “You’ve made him stronger though. Braver. You’ve made him feel safer.”
“Even though I ghosted him?”
