Page 56 of Absolutely Pucked
“Mostly sled. I know some guys,” I said.
“Ah, fuck them. But actually don’t because those guys are my best friends,” Jonah said. “Anyway, yeah. So this guy from the Rangers—they’re in fucking Tennessee—apparently was screwing my girlfriend. Well, she wasn’t exactly my girlfriend, but we had a thing, so finding out she was going behind my back really sucked. I decided to self-soothe by going to the pet store and cuddling some kittens.Andmaybe adopt one after your best friend Ford told me it was a good idea, but the shop kicked me out and said I couldn’t adopt because I’m blind and I might hurt the cat.”
“That’s bullshit,” I blurted.
“Fucking thank you! So anyway, I told myself to just let it go, but I have never once in my life let anything go ever, so I went back to the shop—” He paused to suck in a huge breath. “—and the woman who watched me get kicked out apologized and then asked me out. So we went to dinner, and after we start making out and I’m just about to finger her—” He froze and cleared his throat. “Sorry, TMI?”
“Not TMI, but…you actually went out with the lady who refused to let you adopt a kitten?”
His cheeks pinked, and he ducked his head with a sheepish smile. “Not the best choice I’d ever made, I know. But I was hoping if we had a good date, she might realize her assumptions were shitty, and she’d change her mind.”
I couldn’t help a tiny laugh. “Okay, I rescind my judgment. Go on. I’m super invested now.”
He grinned wider. “We were in the park when all this was happening. She was adventurous and also wearing a big coat, so it was fine.Anyway, she’s just about to, ya know, finish? And she blurts out that she’s always wanted to fuck a blind guy because she heard it was more intimate.”
“Yikes.”
“Right?” he said, slapping the side of my thigh with the back of his hand. “And like, maybe it is for sighted people. I don’t know any different, obviously, and I’ve never had a girl complain. But it’s super gross to just admit that, right?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Sounds really uncomfortable.”
“God, you have no idea.” He huffed loudly. “So I stop what I’m doing and tell her that was kind of rude,and she gets mad and leaves me stranded in the park. I’m forced to call an Uber at 1:00 a.m., so it took forever, and the guy was a total dick too. He refused to drop me off in front of my apartment or point the way, so it took me ten minutes to find my way to my damn door.”
“Did you file a complaint?” I couldn’t help but ask.
He scoffed. “Dude, trust me when I say nothing actually happens when I do that. It’s not worth my time.”
“Fair enough.” I couldn’t judge him for that either, considering I wouldn’t file a report about Delia stealing my car, and I hadn’t done much to stand up for myself against her or Daniel.
“Now I’m on my way to a vet because their website said they had a new litter ready for adoption, and I’m hoping they won’t be ableist dickheads like the people at the pet shop.”
I took a moment to assess, then said, “Your story sucks just as bad as mine.”
“That’s a stretch, bro,” he said. “Mine was a shitty date. You’re married to yours.”
I couldn’t argue there. I’d kill for that to be my problem, but I wasn’t going to tell him that because being the subject of some weirdo’s fetish who both discriminated against me and then wanted to fuck me seemed kind of horrible.
“Was it really just the kitten thing that made you agree to the date? Or was it something else?” I had a feeling he was a bit like me—a glutton for punishment.
He groaned. “I don’t know. I guess I was angry and wanted to get laid because my ex and that Fuck-FaceRanger were posting on Instagram all weekend. They spent his two days off spoiling her at Disney.”
“If you know where they live, we could sneak over there and vandalize his house. Neon toilet paper all over his trees or something?”
Jonah grinned as the bus slowed, and I realized I was at my stop. “Okay, now I really like you.”
“Thanks. And I hate to do this, but I’m getting off here.”
“Sweet.” He stood up and held out his hand. “Mine too. Walk me to the vet’s office? It’s in the same shopping center as the grocery store.”
That was easy enough. He took my arm and used his cane, and we made our way across the parking lot toward the little strip mall full of shops. Which was, of course, when I noticed all the lights were off.
“Are they open late?”
He groaned. “The tech I spoke to said they’d be open ’til nine.”
I glanced at my phone. “Nine fifteen.”
“Fuuuuuuuck,” he cried, dropping his forehead against my shoulder. “Can I be a creep and follow you to work so I can get some comfort food? You can be my personal shopper.”
