Page 53 of Lady Frederica and the Scot Who Would Not
She also didn’t love that he had still given no indication that he wanted her to remain in Covent Garden after Hawk was found, but she tried to take comfort in the fact that he now called her Freddy. It implied a monumental shift and showed that he thought her at least a tad capable of being a part of his world, and she reminded herself of the worry he had to be feeling with Hawk still out there.
Blythe had assured Freddy that she’d gotten word to the most appropriate of Hawk’s old acquaintances, but they had not heard from the man yet. Freddy knew from Blythe that Gabriel had not had any luck securing information about Hawk’s whereabouts yet, either.
Gabriel also still slept in his own bedchamber and had not invited her to join him. She didn’t want to push him to do so. She wanted him to do it of his own accord. She wanted him to want her there with him, as she wanted to be there, and at night, when alone in the dark, she couldn’t help but fret over what might happen to her heart if he didn’t ever want more.
With each day that passed, each time they joined their bodies, each self-defense lesson he gave her, her heart expanded more and more, making room for him. She was perilously close to being one of those hopelessly in love heroines she’d read about in those Gothic romances Lilias had given her.
Perhaps that knowledge was what drove her to storm out of the house on that particular afternoon carrying the ledger for the Orcus Society, the figures which she had done in Blythe’s stead. Freddy didn’t want to be the only one in her marriage hopelessly close to being foolishly in love. She had to do more to make Gabriel understand that she truly belonged in Covent Garden with him, that he could let his guard down so that they could fall ridiculously in love together.
She was surprised to learn that Gabriel had directed the guards not to let her leave the house, but she was pleased to realize they were afraid to physically restrain her. So when she refused their command to stay put, they could do no more than follow her as she marched the short walk from the house to the Orcus Society. She was feeling rather proud and brave until the moment Bear showed her into Gabriel’s office and his lips parted in surprise.
His brow furrowed, and a dark, dangerous look settled on his face. “Is the house burning down?” he asked.
The calm in his voice did not match the burgeoning fury on his face and made her want to turn and leave, but she stiffened her posture and stood her ground. “No. And before you say more or proceed to shout at the guards, they told me of your new orders.” She clutched the ledger she wanted to show him tight to her chest. “Am I to be a prisoner in our home now?” She purposely used the wordour. She wanted him to get used to it, but the wariness that flashed across his face dismayed her.
“You are aguestin my home until I have captured Hawk.”
She wasn’t the crying sort, but there was only so much a person could take. Tears filled her eyes, and despite her effort to blink them away, they mutinously spilled over and rolled down her cheeks.
Damnation. He hated himself in this moment. He was a bloody bastard.
Freddy turned and mumbled an excuse that she was suddenly struck by a megrim and would return to the house. Gabe rose and headed toward her, and just as she reached his office door and gripped the handle, he captured her by the shoulders. She stiffened under his fingers, which gutted him, and the fact that it gutted him worried him. The struggle not to open up to her increased tenfold every day, and he had woken that morning wanting only to spend himself in her and then spend hours in bed talking to her. The realization had left him cold, so he’d vowed to keep his distance. But faced with the pain he was causing her now, distance was impossible.
He pressed a kiss to the back of her head, inhaling her sweet-and-spicy scent as he did so. “I’m sorry, Freddy. I’m in a foul mood.”
That much was true. Despite his relentless efforts over the last month, he’d been unable to locate Hawk. There had been sightings of him, however, in Covent Garden over the last week, which had led Gabe to decide Freddy had to remain at home unless he was personally accompanying her. If he could find Hawk and put him safely away, maybe then he could decide if he could truly let Freddy into his world and his heart.
“It’s fine,” she said, but her injured tone told him she was lying.
He turned her to him, determined to smooth things between them as best he could, given the circumstances. “What do you have there?” he asked, his attention catching on the book she was clutching to her chest.
She bit her lip but extended the book to him. “It’s your ledger.”
He frowned. “How did you get—Blythe?” he guessed.
Freddy nodded, shifting from foot to foot. “I wanted you to see… I’m very good with numbers, and I thought perhaps if you saw… Well, I thought perhaps, it might show you that…”
He opened the book and stared down at the neat rows of numbers. It took him a few moments to go over her calculations, but they seemed to match the ones he’d done himself.
Good God. He shoved a hand through his hair. She thought her capability at doing the books might make him reconsider allowing her to stay in Covent Garden. He didn’t want to hurt her more, but he couldn’t let her think something like this would change things. “It’s not about how capable you are, Freddy,” he said, looking up and wincing at how her shoulders dropped. He wanted to quit speaking, but he had to make her understand. “Over these last couple of weeks, I’ve seen how capable you are of surviving here. You’re very capable. But then so was Georgette.”
He didn’t know what had made him say that. Why was he offering her another glimpse into what was truly holding him back? He’d told her of his failure to protect his mother, and now he’d practically told her how his failure to protect Georgette haunted him.
She flinched as if he’d hit her, and his own shoulders dropped under the weight of his self-loathing. Then she poked him in the chest. “You! You and your damned heart that you bloody well refuse to open can, can…go to the devil, and…and you can sod off, you arse!”
She turned and strode out, and he stood there for a moment stilled by her rage and her very creative use of foul words.
His damned heart that he refused to open?She knew. Of course, she did. His Freddy was the most intelligent woman he’d ever met.
His Freddy.
The words resounded in his head, battering his mind and demanding acceptance.
“Boss!” came a call toward the office door. “Do you want us to follow your wife?”
Good God! Gabe raced from the room, nearly colliding with the men he’d set to guard Freddy. He shoved them both out of the way, and as he did, he said, “Bloody idiots! Follow her everywhere at all times!”
He bounded down the passage, and as he rounded the corner, he could just see Bear sitting alone at his spot by the door. Gabe’s heart pounded as he yelled, “Did Freddy leave?”
