Page 35 of Lady Lilias and the Devil in Plaid
“That’s rude,” she replied. “But I suppose ’tis true in this circumstance. If you force a person into a corner, what do you expect? These women need me, and I’ll not fail them. They need someone to help them, to protect them.”
Good Christ. He understood now. She was trying to be for them what she had never had herself. It was perfectly clear now why she was a founding member of this society. It had nothing to do with him. It was because neither of her parents had truly made her feel protected. He was a conceited arse for ever entertaining the thought that it could be him.
“Fine. I’ll accompany you on your missions to help these women until Owen returns, and then you are Owen’s problem.”
“Is that what you consider me?” The hurt in her voice was unmistakable. “A problem?”
“Yes,” he clipped, afraid if he said anything else he’d tell her something that would give away how he really felt. She was rash, impulsive, impassioned, and wonderful. Of course, shewasa problem, but he’d rather have a million problems like her that made him feel alive than the nothingness he normally felt. “But I will bear you somehow,” he added, which would have been the perfect thing to say to keep a distance between them if his arm had not reached out without alerting his brain and his fingers had not brushed down the slope of her smooth cheek. It was perfect, just like her. He wanted to tell her how she made him feel. Instead, he said, “Where are we going?”
“The Orcus Society,” she said without a trace of embarrassment or concern.
Nash’s mouth slipped open. He knew a great deal about the place from Carrington, such as the fact that there were pleasure rooms there and men who did not deserve to even breathe the same air as Lilias. “How did you imagine you’d gain entry into the Orcus Society? You need to be a patron or be one of the women who—”
His words trailed off as she opened her cloak and revealed the seductive cut of a gown that would cause the scandal of the Season were she to wear it to any balls. She must have seen him staring at her delectable cleavage because she pulled her cloak closed once more. But it was too late. The creamy, round mounds of her breasts would be singed in his memory for the rest of his life. A ravenous need to touch her rushed through him.
Instead, he tugged a hand through his hair and forced himself to keep control. “You mean to tell me that you were planning on going into the club alone, and there you intended to pretend to be a courtesan?” It was unthinkable. Because if he thought too much upon it, then he would go mad with worry at how Owen would be able to protect her from herself in the future.
“I do not mean to tell you anything, but you’ve left me little choice. The answer is yes and yes, though. Now, where is your gig?”
“At my home. I could not very well drive it here and risk anyone seeing me and asking questions.”
“You walked here just to watch over me?”
Something in her tone sounded odd to him. He could not place it so he simply answered. “Indeed. I owe Owen that.”
“Yes, of course it’s about Owen. Well come along, then. Let’s get my gig.”
He followed her as she strode to the lane behind her townhome to the mews, as if she had no fear that she’d be seen by her mother. Because, of course, she would not. He grasped her arm before she entered the stables. “What of your coachman and stable master? Will they not ask questions?”
“No.”
“Whyever not?” he bit out. A proper stable master would.
When she simply shrugged, his temper snapped. “Does no one in your life put restraints on you for your own safety?”
Her eyes widened in the darkness, but away from the lamplight, the moonlight did not illuminate her face enough for him to judge if his outburst had revealed anything he did not wish it to.
“Why, Nash, I did not think you cared.”
There was that something in her voice again, the something he could not quite place. But he didn’t need to place it to decide he didn’t like it. It was unknown, and he did not care for the unknown. “For Owen’s sake, I care,” he replied on the chance he had revealed himself to her.
“Owen,” she said, the word a sigh. “Of course. You care for Owen’s sake.”
Did she believe him? He didn’t rightly know, and he was certainly not going to ask.
Once they were settled on the seat and on their way, he instructed Lilias to pull the hood of her cloak close around her head. Nash didn’t think they would encounter anyone on the streets this late, but he would not take any chances with Lilias’s reputation.
Lilias, he noted, did her best to keep space between them, and that was fine by him. Just sitting beside her was torture enough. If they were touching, he couldn’t be certain he could keep his desire restrained.
It occurred to him that she had not answered his question about the stable master and coachman, and he had an unwelcome suspicion that Carrington’s wife might have been correct in her belief that Lilias was wedding Owen to take care of her mother and sister. And yet, four years ago she had told Owen she loved him. It did not make sense. He had to know for certain why she was wedding Owen.
And then what?
He slid his teeth back and forth, at war with himself. There should be no interference. He’d vowed not to come between Owen and Lilias, but that vow had not included standing by as she made herself a sacrificial lamb. That he could not do. He would not pursue her, but he could damn well not let her be forced to wed someone she did not love, to have no choice in the matter because of money. If she was wedding Owen simply to have her family taken care of, Nash could aid her and her family. He could give them money without acting on his own selfish longing for her. There had to be a way to do it without her knowing where the money came from.
He could give her the gift of freedom that money brought, though it would be a thorny gift as she would be all but ruined after the kiss with Owen and then also breaking their betrothal. He stole a look at her. Her cloak was threadbare, but her chin was lifted, and her shoulders were back. Her eyes were focused straight ahead. The Lilias he had known would value her freedom above a reputation thetondeemed ruined, and he could provide enough funds for her that even if she never wed, she would have a comfortable life, as would her mother and sister. Lilias’s reputation would affect her sister’s, but with time and an unexpected enormous dowry thrown at Lilias’s sister, he imagined her chances of wedding well quite good.
He considered the possibility of how to give her the money anonymously. She would never take it, but he’d wager his useless life that her mother would. So the question remained: was she wedding Owen out of love or need?
