Page 41 of It's In The Duke's Kiss
“Your grandfather, unfortunately, made your father think that dukes had to be perfect, infallible, and to hold themselves to an unreachable standard. And though I helped your father see that in some ways it wasn’t true or even possible, he couldn’t help himself but to instill the same beliefs in you.”
Lucian was about to interrupt, but she shook her head. “Please let me finish.” She went on to tell him about the foolish wager his father had made and how it had led to his death.
Lucian’s jaw dropped open. “Why did you never tell me?”
Tears filled his mother’s eyes. “You worshipped him. You always had. I didn’t want to diminish the perfect memory of your father that you seemed to cling to, but it’s hurt you, and it’s hurt Nathaniel. You’ve spent your life trying to imitate a man who knew the standard was impossible, and Nathaniel has spent his life trying to be the opposite of what your father wanted him to be because he never felt loved by him the way you did.”
“Did Nathaniel tell you that?” Lucian asked in astonishment.
“No, but I know it just the same. Lucian, your father and I were opposites, but we were good for each other, just as Lady Emmaline is good for you. You need someone who will force you to laugh and not take yourself so seriously. I have never seen you as happy as you have been these last few weeks with her.”
He opened his mouth to refute his mother, but he slowly closed it as all the moments he’d spent with Emma played in his memory. She made him want to do all the things his father had told him dukes didn’t do. One of those things was to seek out Nathaniel and apologize for being so harsh and for not understanding his pain.
“She may very well not have me now,” he said quietly.
“She may not,” his mother agreed with a long sigh. “You’ll need a grand gesture, I think. Something to show her that you’re willing to change for her.”
“Yes.” His mind turned as he glanced into the ballroom and saw Lady Peabody talking animatedly with one of her friends. “But in case she won’t have me even after that, I need to save her reputation.”
His mother looked toward the ballroom as well. “Oh dear.Lady Peabody.”
“Yes,” he agreed. “The woman is a menace. Mother, gather Danby and have him help you spread some gossip.”
She looked positively perplexed. “About what? More megrims for Lady Emmaline? I hardly think that will work twice.”
“No, this time the gossip will be about me.” He grinned.
“You?”
“Yes. Make sure to tell everyone you encounter that I offered for Lady Emmaline and that she turned me down.”
“Oh, Lucian!” His mother gave him a hug. “I’ve never been prouder of you than I am at this moment. What is the rest of your plan?”
“I’m going to go to see Emma tomorrow and ask her forgiveness for my starting our courtship with a lie and see if she could ever trust me enough to consider marrying me.”
His mother sniffed and patted her eyes. “You called her Emma. It’s so unlike you and so very wonderful!”
“This is the new me, Mother. The casual duke.”
“Emmaline Radcliffe,” her mother snapped as Emma stood in her father’s study and watched Lucian’s carriage go back down the drive the way it had come but moments before. “That is the second day His Grace has come to speak with you and you’ve turned him away. You simply must speak to him.”
“Why?” Emma demanded, angry and sad. She turned to face her mother. “Because he’s a duke and you want a duke as a son-in-law even if it’s me who is married to him?” She hated how peevish she sounded, but her heart hurt.
Mother surprised her by taking her hand. “No, because I’ve been jealous and cruel, and your father’s made me see it. And I also see that you care for Blackbourne, and he must care for you, too, to have cometwodays in a row to see you.”
Emma’s pulse ticked upward with the possibility, but she shoved the ludicrous hope away. “He never cared for me. I refuse to be foolish any longer. He only wished to thwart his brother. I want to forget him, please.”
“You’re certain?” her mother asked, sounding concerned.
Emma’s heart tugged at the genuine concern she heard in her mother’s voice. “Yes,” she whispered, her throat aching with the tears she was holding back.
“All right, Emma. If you truly wish to forget him, then I’ll speak no more about him. We were invited to the Edgeworth’s ball, but I can easily decline. It may be best anyway. I fear there may be gossip from your confrontation with Blackbourne at the last ball. Perhaps we should stay home for a bit. New gossip is bound to take the place of whatever anyone might be saying.”
“No,” Emma answered quickly. This would be the perfect opportunity to show Lucian and thetonthat he had not crushed her, even though he had. She would dance all night and flaunt it in front of him and anyone else who may be gossiping about her. She would feign happiness and merriment. Yes. It was the perfect plan.
Pretending to be happy was exhausting, and Emma had only been at the Edgeworth’s ball long enough to greet the host and be shown into the ballroom. She noted right away all the stares she received as she strolled through the crowd with her sister. Her stomach clenched. Perhaps the gossip was worse than she’d expected.
She placed a hand on Mary’s arm. “I think I’ll go freshen up.”
