Page 79 of Dear Roomie
“Everything,” I whisper, dropping my gaze down to my hands. The sun’s rays catch on my diamond ring, mocking me with the sparkling reminder of how fucked everything has become.
“Oh, kiddo.” He drops an arm over my shoulder with a sigh, tucking me into the comfort of his side. “I’m gonna need more specifics than that. As much as I’ve always tried to make you believe otherwise, I can’t actually fix everything.”
“I don’t want to marry Tanner.”
Saying those words aloud feels like I’ve dropped a bomb. I brace for the inevitable destruction and the violent aftershock that is sure to follow.
“Okay, don’t marry him,” Dad says like it’s the simplest thing in the world. The lack of anger or judgment leaves me reeling; I had been prepared to face shock waves but didn’t even feel a breeze.
“It’s not that easy,” I protest.
“Of course it is. If you don’t want to marry him, then you don’t, end of story.” His tone doesn’t leave any room for arguments, but that’s never stopped me before. He makes it sound so easy, like I could turn and walk away, and everything would be fine. I want to believe him—everything would be so much simpler if I did—but the oversized diamond is a noose on my finger, dragging me back to reality.
“I already told him I would.”
That’s the crux of the issue. I knew what I was committing to when I told him yes, despite that being the last thing I wanted, and I’ve made peace with what my future entails. There are too many things in motion for me to back out now. The engagement announcements have already been sent out to all of the Nicholsons’ friends and colleagues, and there was even a story in the local paper gushing about our “storybook romance.”
The ring seems to grow tighter on my finger. I twist it around to try to relieve some of the pressure, but it does nothing to lessen its choke hold.
“A ring isn’t legally binding.” My dad eyes my fidgeting hands with a deep frown. “And if you are having any doubts, it’s better for everyone to end things before it is. It’s probably going to hurt, believe me, I know, but it will hurt so much more if you wait for what should be a breakup to become a divorce.”
“What about his family? His sisters? How would this look for his dad’s campaign?” My voice takes on a frantic edge as I grasp at the loose strings of my unraveling argument.
“None of that matters. The only things that need to be taken into consideration are you and Tanner, and if you want to spend the rest of your life with him.”
Fuck. He’s right. He’salwaysright.
The looming, oppressive sense of doom that’s shadowed my every move since I uttered that cursed “yes” is driven back by my father’s guidance.
“I thought you liked him,” I argue, but there’s no weight behind it, not anymore.
“What I like is you being happy, and that look on your face when I walked in there? That was not the face of my daughter when she’s happy. Tell me I’m wrong.”
“You aren’t. I’m not happy.” I stand straighter as I admit aloud the things I’ve already known.
“Then that’s that. It doesn’t matter how much you lovehim—”
“I don’t,” I interrupt with sharp vehemence.
“Don’t what?”
“I don’t love him. Not anymore.”
My dad pulls back to look me over, his face awash with a look of horror. “Why did you say yes, then? Oh God. You aren’t pregnant, are you?” he growls. “I’ll kill that pretentious fucker if he knocked you up.”
“No! I’m not pregnant,” I reassure him. The mere thought of being bound to Tanner in that way sends chills of disgust rolling through my body. “I’ve known for a while that I needed to end things with him, but it was never the right time. I had planned to do it after New Year, but then he went and proposed, and there were so many people, and so many cameras, and his family all looked so happy, so I said yes, even though everything in me was screaming at me to say no.”
“He hasn’t hurt you, has he?”
“No, nothing like that.” It’s not entirely the truth, but I don’t see the point in reopening old wounds. I pause for a moment, debating whether or not I should bring up my other problem, the one that’s been eating me alive since it walked out of the apartment and out of my life.
“I met someone else,” I admit with a wistful sigh. “I know it’s wrong, but every moment I spent with him made me realize how much was missing between me and Tanner, and that I deserve more than to settle for good enough just because it’s familiar.”
“You love him.” It isn’t a question.
“I do. I never meant to fall in love with Morgan, but I did. I love him so much, and I ruined any chance I had at being with him.” My heart aches in my chest at the thought of him, and tears fill my eyes. “He won’t even look at me. It’s like I’m a ghost living beside him, and it fucking hurts. I don’t know what to do, Dad. I don’t know how to fix us.”
He sighs and pulls me into a tight hug. “I can’t help you win his heart or make amends, but you can’t start until you end things with Tanner once and for all.”
