Page 76 of Dear Roomie
“Break. Good work, guys.” Gage’s voice drops back into its normal, softer tone as Coach Gage slips away and my friend returns.
I drop back to the mat in a sweaty heap, and Nathan is right there with me, gasping for air. Even Karis sinks to the ground on wobbly legs.
“What the fuck, man?” Nathan says between gulps of air. “I signed up for private practice and an intervention, not boot camp.”
He only shrugs in response and joins us on the floor. It takes another second for Nathan’s words to fully process.Intervention? Is that why he dragged me out here?
“What’s Nathan talking about, guys?”
The three share a look, their eyes shifting from me to each other with unmasked unease.
“We wanted to talk about James,” Karis says, biting the bullet.
Her words cause my chest to tighten and a knot to form in my gut. No, not words. It only takes one—James.
It’s the first time I’ve heard her name since I wandered to Cutter’s after my heart shattered. It hurts too much to think about, and no one has dared to mention her until now.
“What about J—her?” I fight to keep my voice even, to not let them see just how under her spell I am.
“You can’t even say her name,” Nathan says as he pulls himself up to sit. “It’s not healthy. I know that bitch played with your heart, but you can’t let her win by letting this destroy you. You need to go back there and show her that she fucked with the wrong guy.”
“No,” Gage says at the same time I mumble, “She’s not a bitch,” which only gets eye rolls from Nathan and Karis.
“What Nathan is trying to say”—Gage gives our friend a pointed glare—“is that it might be time for you to face her so you can get some closure and move on.”
“Fuck closure, I’m on Nathan’s side. I think you should get revenge.” Her eyes light up and her lips twist into a cruel smile. “I’ve got the perfect plan if you want to—”
“No,” I interrupt her and drag myself off the floor. “No revenge. No schemes. I don’t want that, and there’s nothing to get revenge for. James didn’t owe me anything. It’s my own fault I went and fell in love with her.” I cringe as the words I’ve kept locked away fall from my lips without any restraint.
“Ah, fuck, man.” Nathan shakes his head with a scowl. “I knew you had it bad, but I didn’t know it wasthatbad. I didn’t even know you two were that close until I went to get your stuff, which we are going to talk about at some point. I can’t believe—”
Karis launches herself at him, covering his mouth with her hand as she knocks him back to the floor. “What our dear, idiot friend meant to say is, we are sorry you are going through this, and we respect your decision to not seek revenge,even if we don’t agree with it. But if you did want to get back at her, you can always—”
“For fuck’s sake,” Gage growls, putting a stop to their antics. “Can the two of you grow up for five minutes? This is about Morgan, not you.”
Karis lets go of Nathan, and they both mumble out sheepish apologies.
“What we wanted to say was, while you are welcome to stay with me for as long as you need, you have a home, and you shouldn’t let one woman drive you from it. You don’t need to talk to her or be her friend, but go home and show her that she didn’t break you. Don’t let her take anything else from you.”
His words make sense, but they do nothing more than cause the knot in my gut to grow; the weight of it drags my whole body down as I sink into my shoulders. Do I want closure? Sure, although I’m not entirely sure what type of closure she could realistically offer. I would like to apologize for how I acted when she told me, though, but that all hinges on me going back.
He squeezes the back of his neck with a sigh. “The longer you put this off, the more you are going to build her up in your head as some sort of unconquerable beast you’ll never be able to slay. You don’t even have to spend any time at the apartment except to sleep. Study with Nathan and Karis, come hang out with us at Cutter’s, and finally, stop dragging your feet and join us here at Double Teep. Coach David has already agreed to waive your fees in exchange for working the front desk a few hours a week. You have plenty to keep you busy, but you aren’t going to be able to move on until you stop being a coward and face her.”
He’s right.
King Arthur and his knights wouldn’t hide away in the castle when the kingdom was under attack. No matter the enemy and no matter how stacked the odds were against them, they would face it head-on.
“Okay.” It’s time to face my demon.
***
The apartment is a disaster.
Out of every scenario that played through my head on the way here, I can’t say that any of them included the apartment being anything less than immaculate, but it’s piles of dirty dishes, empty bottles of whiskey and wine, and the sour stench of trash left to ripen that greet me when I walk through the door. The combination causes my stomach to churn—not only because of the pungent smell or molding plates but because of how out of character this is for James. Alarm bells blare in my brain that something is very wrong here, with her, but I ignore the gnawing sense of dread by sheer force of will.
James isn’t mine to worry about. She never was.
With a sigh, I close the door behind me and set my duffel down on the floor next to it. Someone has to clean up this mess, and from the looks of it, that person is going to be me. I start to make my way toward the kitchen to grab a bag to start collecting her trash, but my journey is interrupted by my favorite hellhound skulking out of the darkened hallway that leads to our rooms. Grover freezes with his ears pinned back against his head and his tail low when he sees me in the kitchen, and he lets out a soft whine.
