Page 56 of Sunflower Persona
“I’m a graduate assistant. I was an RA for most of undergrad, so I already had an in with housing.”
“That sounds like a lot of work.”
“It can be, but it’s worth it for the pay. Housing is stupid expensive.”
Her words leave me feeling two inches tall. Never once have I had to worry about how much money I’m spending to be here. My parents have always had it covered. I’ve never had a job, either. They wouldn’t let me work in high school, and I never had a need after. It never really occurred to me that my new friends might have had different experiences.
“Speaking of finding love in the Classic City, has there been any movement on the Gage front?”
Her question causes my heart to harden and drop like lead into the pit of my stomach. It looks like Gage hasn’t told his friends about what happened between us. That’s probably for the best. Everything would be so much easier if we could pretend it never happened. But it did, and talking to Daisy about it has gotten me nowhere.
“Oh yeah, if you consider raising the white flag movement,” I say with a bitterness clinging to my words.
The playful expression falls from her face.
“What happened?”
“I kissed him, and he pushed me away. He said, ‘That shouldn’t have happened’ and then tried to apologize like I wasn’t the one who ambushed him. So yeah, I’m pretty sure anything that might have been brewing between us is officially dead in the water.”
I sigh and sink back into the couch, clutching one of her petal-pink pillows to my chest to give my hands something to fidget with.
“That sucks,” she says and mirrors my posture. “Karis was so sure he was into you too. But maybe it’s for the best.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, do you not find him…I don’t know, intimidating?”
“Intimidating? Why would you think that?”
Gage might be a lot of things, but that isn’t a word I’d use to describe him. Intense, sure, but he’s never made me feel uncomfortable being around him. If anything, his presence is—was—soothing. Even after the kiss, I know nothing will happen to me when he’s around. Hell, I even like it when he touches me. Those calloused hands make my skin crawl in a good way.
“He doesn’t talk much,” Evelyn says with a shrug, “and he’s always scowling at something. I’m not even sure if hewantstobe our friend, or if he only comes because Karis drags him along. And after what happened at the beach last year…”
“Wait, what happened at the beach?”
“Jamie’s ex attacked Morgan, or at least tried to. He got one punch in before Gage stepped in and had him restrained without throwing a punch himself. I didn’t actually see it myself, but I’ve heard the stories enough.”
“Why is that intimidating? It sounds like Gage de-escalated the situation without violence. Isn’t that a good thing?”
“No, you are right. I think it’s more the fact that he could have caused some serious damage if he wanted to. I’m probably making assumptions here, but you’ve seen him. The man is a giant.”
Yes, I have, and before the disaster that was our lesson, I wanted to see more of him. Clothing optional.
“He also wasn’t nearly as restrained when you…got hurt…at Cutter’s. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him that enraged or out of control. It was terrifying, and it wasn’t even directed at me. If Nathan hadn’t intervened, I think he might have done real damage—not that that asshole wouldn’t have deserved it—but I’m talking irreversible, life-altering shit. Like ‘Gage ends up in prison’ levels of anger. Even Karis and Morgan looked scared—not of him, I don’t think, but of the consequences.”
Okay, that’s a lot.
After a certain point, my memories of that night disappear aside from a few scattered, hazy flashes, and in every one of them, Gage is nothing but a steady and safe figure. The rage she describes doesn’t mesh with that at all.
A knot forms in my throat as I comb through this bit of information, letting it reframe every interaction I’ve had with the infuriating man. Still, it doesn’t reconcile, and I can’t decide if it paints him in a new light.
“I thought you were his friend?”
“Fuck. I am. Well, sort of. It’s a whole story. After Chelsea graduated, it was only Jamie and me left in Athens. I’m sure you can tell Jamie and Morgan are a bit…clingy. So I got closer to Morgan’s friends, but even then, I’m closest with Karis. Nathan is cool, too, but Gage has always been more of a presence than a persona.
“Goddamnit, I’m rambling. Yes, I’m his friend, and I’m not trying to paint him as a villain or anything. He is a good man. The others wouldn’t be as unwaveringly loyal as they are otherwise. I guess all I’m trying to say is maybe it’s a good thing nothing romantic is happening between you guys. He has demons.”
“It would be nice if my heart got that memo.”
